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The Elderly Are Not Old
The Elderly Are Not Old

Send us a text In this heartfelt episode, host Kat Garcia sits down with longtime friend Yvette Locke to explore the complex realities of grief, loss, and caregiving. Yvette shares her deeply personal journey of caring for her grandparents, the lessons learned, and the unique bond that forms through supporting loved ones in their final years. Together, Kat and Yvette discuss the challenges of honoring independence, navigating family dynamics, and finding meaning in both the joyful and difficu...

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Season 3

Send us a text

In this heartfelt episode, host Kat Garcia sits down with longtime friend Yvette Locke to explore the complex realities of grief, loss, and caregiving. Yvette shares her deeply personal journey of caring for her grandparents, the lessons learned, and the unique bond that forms through supporting loved ones in their final years. Together, Kat and Yvette discuss the challenges of honoring independence, navigating family dynamics, and finding meaning in both the joyful and difficult moments. With warmth, humor, and honesty, they reflect on the importance of open conversations about death, the enduring spirit of the elderly, and the unexpected ways grief can shape our lives. Listeners are invited to join this candid conversation about love, loss, and the wisdom that comes from caring for those we cherish.

WEBVTT

00:00:00.839 --> 00:00:02.160
Greetings and salutations.

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Welcome to, sorry.

00:00:02.939 --> 00:00:04.110
That's my inside voice.

00:00:04.169 --> 00:00:14.669
I'm your host Kat Garcia, and in this episode I sit down with my friend Yvette Locke, and we talk about grief and loss and caregiving.

00:00:15.150 --> 00:00:20.969
Um, so if those are topics that are sensitive to you, please listen to your comfort level.

00:00:21.329 --> 00:00:24.539
If you need to skip this episode, absolutely do that.

00:00:25.140 --> 00:00:25.739
Um.

00:00:26.065 --> 00:00:29.454
Yvette and I have known each other since high school.

00:00:29.515 --> 00:00:43.104
And, um, we talk about her journey caregiving for her grandparents, um, and the, the lessons she's learned from that.

00:00:43.104 --> 00:00:44.875
The takeaways and just.

00:00:45.270 --> 00:00:48.570
Talking about grief and how sometimes it just punches you in the face.

00:00:49.049 --> 00:00:50.969
Um, we have a great chat.

00:00:51.000 --> 00:00:52.649
I'm excited for you guys to listen.

00:00:52.679 --> 00:01:00.359
You do get multiple cameos from ALA who decided to be super social, so I hope you guys enjoy the episode.

00:01:04.947 --> 00:01:07.108
Okay, well, let's get started.

00:01:07.498 --> 00:01:15.477
Um, do you wanna talk, you wanna introduce yourself to the invisible people who will be listening to your voice in their ears?

00:01:15.748 --> 00:01:17.218
Hello, invisible people.

00:01:17.817 --> 00:01:18.927
My name is Yvette.

00:01:21.748 --> 00:01:22.587
It's so weird, right?

00:01:22.587 --> 00:01:23.518
You're like, what?

00:01:23.847 --> 00:01:24.658
What's happening

00:01:24.987 --> 00:01:26.908
as I talk into my chest, right?

00:01:27.268 --> 00:01:27.647
Yeah, it's, yeah.

00:01:27.683 --> 00:01:28.587
No, it's weird.

00:01:29.128 --> 00:01:33.418
Um, do you wanna talk about how we met, how we know each other?

00:01:33.837 --> 00:01:35.427
We know each other from school.

00:01:35.427 --> 00:01:35.462
We do

00:01:35.787 --> 00:01:36.628
high school, high

00:01:36.628 --> 00:01:38.548
school, uh, speech.

00:01:38.638 --> 00:01:38.998
Yes.

00:01:38.998 --> 00:01:42.058
You were the first like speech person that I.

00:01:42.388 --> 00:01:43.888
Remember actually liking

00:01:44.007 --> 00:01:44.518
Oh,

00:01:44.548 --> 00:01:48.957
in speech class, I was like, I like her because you were talking about sheep.

00:01:49.257 --> 00:01:49.977
That makes sense.

00:01:50.037 --> 00:01:50.278
Yeah.

00:01:50.352 --> 00:01:50.643
Yeah.

00:01:50.647 --> 00:01:51.418
You were talking about sheep.

00:01:51.718 --> 00:01:51.808
Mm-hmm.

00:01:52.108 --> 00:01:53.067
I probably was.

00:01:53.158 --> 00:01:54.058
I am a sheep.

00:01:58.858 --> 00:01:59.367
That's true.

00:01:59.487 --> 00:02:00.748
The things that you don't forget,

00:02:01.197 --> 00:02:01.947
it's Yeah.

00:02:01.947 --> 00:02:02.067
Mm-hmm.

00:02:02.638 --> 00:02:03.058
Yes.

00:02:03.268 --> 00:02:03.477
Yeah.

00:02:03.513 --> 00:02:06.748
It's, uh, some things never change.

00:02:06.897 --> 00:02:07.197
Yeah.

00:02:07.272 --> 00:02:07.563
Yeah.

00:02:07.793 --> 00:02:08.082
Yeah.

00:02:08.367 --> 00:02:08.758
Let's see.

00:02:08.758 --> 00:02:11.427
We've, we've basically stayed in touch over the years

00:02:11.457 --> 00:02:11.698
Yeah.

00:02:11.997 --> 00:02:13.288
On, for the most part.

00:02:13.377 --> 00:02:14.068
Uh, yeah.

00:02:14.068 --> 00:02:17.337
Like we were saying, it's one of those friendships.

00:02:17.337 --> 00:02:18.207
It's just easy.

00:02:18.328 --> 00:02:18.598
Yeah.

00:02:18.598 --> 00:02:20.203
If there's some time apart.

00:02:20.543 --> 00:02:20.962
Mm-hmm.

00:02:21.598 --> 00:02:24.057
It's like we never left.

00:02:24.117 --> 00:02:24.418
Yeah.

00:02:24.448 --> 00:02:29.608
No, and we, we of course, as everybody our age or any age, does, we internet stalk each other.

00:02:29.728 --> 00:02:30.687
Mm-hmm.

00:02:30.987 --> 00:02:30.997
Mm-hmm.

00:02:30.997 --> 00:02:31.008
Mm-hmm.

00:02:31.228 --> 00:02:33.298
Yvette goes on all sorts of adventures.

00:02:33.867 --> 00:02:35.242
She goes, how many state parks have you been to?

00:02:36.418 --> 00:02:36.657
What

00:02:36.687 --> 00:02:37.918
you mean National parks?

00:02:37.978 --> 00:02:38.457
I'm sorry.

00:02:38.457 --> 00:02:38.818
Yes.

00:02:38.967 --> 00:02:39.777
National parks.

00:02:39.777 --> 00:02:41.427
See, see this is what I'm saying.

00:02:41.427 --> 00:02:43.258
My language is, it needs tweaking.

00:02:43.258 --> 00:02:44.247
So National parks,

00:02:44.307 --> 00:02:52.587
well see and then you could deep dive even more into that because there are over 463 units.

00:02:52.798 --> 00:02:53.217
Oh.

00:02:53.277 --> 00:02:54.328
Of National parks.

00:02:54.358 --> 00:02:55.228
I could be wrong.

00:02:55.228 --> 00:02:57.448
Maybe it's 450 something.

00:02:57.448 --> 00:03:01.497
I myself will not correct you, but if you are wrong, I will try not to hold it over your head.

00:03:01.497 --> 00:03:01.677
Yes.

00:03:01.677 --> 00:03:03.237
The, the Internets, who knows.

00:03:03.508 --> 00:03:08.127
Um, but there's over 450 some odd units.

00:03:08.187 --> 00:03:08.608
Okay.

00:03:08.877 --> 00:03:12.807
But then like the main big national park, the big ones like Yosemite.

00:03:13.048 --> 00:03:13.138
Mm-hmm.

00:03:13.377 --> 00:03:15.147
Glacier Crater Lake.

00:03:15.418 --> 00:03:15.807
Right.

00:03:15.927 --> 00:03:18.478
There's currently 63.

00:03:18.687 --> 00:03:19.168
Okay.

00:03:19.168 --> 00:03:22.138
So if we're talking about those specifically.

00:03:22.138 --> 00:03:22.198
Yeah.

00:03:22.318 --> 00:03:22.587
So let's

00:03:22.587 --> 00:03:23.907
go with the 63.

00:03:24.027 --> 00:03:26.818
Um, 36.

00:03:27.027 --> 00:03:28.348
Holy wow.

00:03:28.617 --> 00:03:30.298
I think that's awesome.

00:03:30.328 --> 00:03:30.747
Yeah.

00:03:30.807 --> 00:03:32.937
And you've gotten to go to some that you have to have.

00:03:33.853 --> 00:03:36.013
You have to win a lottery to go to, is that right?

00:03:36.372 --> 00:03:44.293
Well, there's, uh, there was one I went to, uh, cat, my national park, which is in Alaska.

00:03:44.383 --> 00:03:44.532
Mm-hmm.

00:03:44.862 --> 00:03:48.673
They have a lottery system for you to be able to stay the night.

00:03:49.062 --> 00:03:49.902
Oh.

00:03:49.962 --> 00:03:51.643
Um,'cause it's a very remote

00:03:51.973 --> 00:03:52.332
Yeah.

00:03:52.453 --> 00:03:54.282
Truly lots of bears.

00:03:54.552 --> 00:03:55.002
Um,

00:03:55.002 --> 00:03:55.062
yeah.

00:03:55.302 --> 00:03:55.932
Park.

00:03:56.413 --> 00:04:04.513
It's very well preserved and there are people that spend thousands beyond thousands of dollars just to fly in for a couple of hours.

00:04:04.543 --> 00:04:05.052
Oh wow.

00:04:05.082 --> 00:04:06.432
Walk the grounds and they leave.

00:04:06.492 --> 00:04:06.883
Yeah.

00:04:07.062 --> 00:04:09.793
And there are opportunities to get to stay.

00:04:09.793 --> 00:04:12.223
So very remote, very preserved.

00:04:12.223 --> 00:04:13.603
Very well preserved and protected.

00:04:13.603 --> 00:04:14.082
Yeah.

00:04:14.082 --> 00:04:16.872
And so they only want so many people staying overnight.

00:04:16.903 --> 00:04:17.233
Right.

00:04:17.502 --> 00:04:21.733
Um, so they have this lottery system that they do every year and we happen to.

00:04:22.362 --> 00:04:22.783
Get it.

00:04:22.992 --> 00:04:23.833
That's so cool.

00:04:23.892 --> 00:04:28.903
And so, which was wonderful'cause you're already spending money to go, right.

00:04:29.142 --> 00:04:31.033
Um, but then it'll include your

00:04:31.033 --> 00:04:32.713
staying there and Yeah.

00:04:32.773 --> 00:04:33.432
There's a child.

00:04:33.612 --> 00:04:33.882
Yep.

00:04:33.973 --> 00:04:37.302
I'm gonna go close the kitchen window, but bloody murder, screaming child.

00:04:37.963 --> 00:04:39.043
It's not my child.

00:04:39.072 --> 00:04:39.942
It's not our child.

00:04:39.942 --> 00:04:41.533
We don't know where this child is.

00:04:41.533 --> 00:04:41.862
You have a

00:04:41.862 --> 00:04:42.463
witness.

00:04:42.492 --> 00:04:42.848
It's fine.

00:04:44.473 --> 00:04:56.442
Um, but yeah, so it's, I highly recommend it if you can go and, because you shouldn't go there unless you're gonna stay a couple of days.

00:04:56.562 --> 00:04:57.012
Yeah.

00:04:57.103 --> 00:05:01.937
cause it's, it's best when you don't have all the planes flying in and lots of people and Oh, I

00:05:01.937 --> 00:05:02.098
bet.

00:05:02.237 --> 00:05:02.458
Lot.

00:05:02.478 --> 00:05:03.338
Um, it's a lot.

00:05:03.338 --> 00:05:04.302
Do you have a favorite?

00:05:05.562 --> 00:05:06.192
Hmm.

00:05:07.242 --> 00:05:13.122
I mean, I would imagine that's like asking people who your favorite child is, or, oh, everyone has a favorite child.

00:05:13.122 --> 00:05:13.392
That's fair.

00:05:13.398 --> 00:05:14.773
They, they just don't, and it's me.

00:05:15.523 --> 00:05:18.887
Um, you know, like someone asked if I had favorite yard and I'm.

00:05:19.833 --> 00:05:20.697
I, I can't choose.

00:05:20.908 --> 00:05:29.098
I honestly think, and it's probably cliche to say, but they're also different.

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Yeah.

00:05:29.788 --> 00:05:36.567
I'd say there are national parks that maybe I wouldn't necessarily go out my way to see again.

00:05:36.627 --> 00:05:36.927
Mm-hmm.

00:05:37.557 --> 00:05:40.798
Like I, I went, it was an experience.

00:05:40.827 --> 00:05:41.038
Yeah.

00:05:41.127 --> 00:05:41.728
It's all right.

00:05:42.658 --> 00:05:43.408
Um, yeah.

00:05:43.617 --> 00:05:45.747
Or I don't understand why this is a national park.

00:05:45.778 --> 00:05:46.708
Like I've had those two.

00:05:46.827 --> 00:05:47.548
Oh, okay.

00:05:47.728 --> 00:05:51.148
Where like the gateway Arch.

00:05:51.208 --> 00:05:53.278
That's a fricking national park in St.

00:05:53.278 --> 00:05:53.608
Louis.

00:05:53.848 --> 00:05:54.267
Yeah.

00:05:54.898 --> 00:05:57.418
Like I'd understand if it's a monument Yeah.

00:05:57.418 --> 00:05:58.468
If it's one of the units.

00:05:58.827 --> 00:06:00.747
I don't understand why that's a national park.

00:06:01.528 --> 00:06:03.358
That one kind of like annoys me.

00:06:03.507 --> 00:06:03.898
Yeah.

00:06:04.468 --> 00:06:05.637
I mean, that's fair.

00:06:05.877 --> 00:06:07.918
So, you know, there's that.

00:06:07.947 --> 00:06:08.098
Yeah.

00:06:08.098 --> 00:06:11.968
But each one is unique.

00:06:11.997 --> 00:06:12.327
Yeah.

00:06:12.507 --> 00:06:14.697
And beautiful in its own way.

00:06:15.478 --> 00:06:17.668
And, uh, the Alaska ones are pretty cool.

00:06:18.898 --> 00:06:22.408
So, and Glacier in Montana has a special place in my heart.

00:06:22.708 --> 00:06:24.898
'cause that's where my husband proposed and

00:06:24.927 --> 00:06:25.677
Yeah, that's right.

00:06:25.677 --> 00:06:25.798
We've

00:06:25.798 --> 00:06:27.567
gone back several times and

00:06:27.718 --> 00:06:28.468
that's really cool.

00:06:28.497 --> 00:06:29.757
His favorite is Yellowstone.

00:06:29.937 --> 00:06:29.997
Yeah.

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He'll say that all day long without,

00:06:31.947 --> 00:06:32.848
without even hesitating.

00:06:32.848 --> 00:06:33.687
He loves Yellowstone.

00:06:33.838 --> 00:06:34.468
Absolutely loves it.

00:06:35.158 --> 00:06:36.418
So, yeah.

00:06:36.418 --> 00:06:39.028
But yeah, I love, I love the parks.

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I'm all about the parks.

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Can't wait for the parks to open back up.

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Yay.

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Let's pay our park rangers please.

00:06:46.497 --> 00:06:47.218
We would really like

00:06:47.218 --> 00:06:47.637
to do that.

00:06:47.937 --> 00:06:48.358
Yeah.

00:06:48.658 --> 00:06:49.017
But that's a

00:06:49.017 --> 00:06:49.887
different conversation.

00:06:50.403 --> 00:06:51.747
That's a, that's a different podcast.

00:06:51.867 --> 00:06:51.958
Mm-hmm.

00:06:52.617 --> 00:06:54.478
I don't think that'll be this one, but who knows?

00:06:54.567 --> 00:06:55.677
I go off the rails sometimes.

00:06:55.677 --> 00:06:55.737
Yeah.

00:06:56.338 --> 00:06:59.668
Um, oh, for those of you wondering, ALA has made an appearance.

00:07:00.267 --> 00:07:01.827
She was yelling a little while ago.

00:07:02.367 --> 00:07:04.408
She has decided that.

00:07:04.918 --> 00:07:07.767
Aw, she's so cute.

00:07:07.798 --> 00:07:08.158
Yeah.

00:07:08.637 --> 00:07:10.048
Her beautiful green eyes.

00:07:10.108 --> 00:07:10.708
Oh yes.

00:07:11.067 --> 00:07:13.437
I'm honestly surprised she doesn't look more shocked.

00:07:13.827 --> 00:07:16.497
Ala also often looks.

00:07:17.262 --> 00:07:19.872
Startled is just like her standard.

00:07:20.202 --> 00:07:20.322
Mm-hmm.

00:07:20.653 --> 00:07:21.822
Facial expression.

00:07:22.362 --> 00:07:23.023
Where are you at?

00:07:24.552 --> 00:07:25.062
Oh, you're over there.

00:07:25.122 --> 00:07:25.423
Okay.

00:07:25.723 --> 00:07:26.742
Are you smelling shoes?

00:07:26.802 --> 00:07:27.043
Yes.

00:07:27.043 --> 00:07:27.372
You are.

00:07:28.033 --> 00:07:29.622
Probably smells my dogs and my cat.

00:07:29.648 --> 00:07:30.067
Mm-hmm.

00:07:30.327 --> 00:07:30.747
Mm-hmm.

00:07:31.572 --> 00:07:32.923
What are your animals' names?

00:07:32.983 --> 00:07:34.783
People always want to know when they're animals.

00:07:35.293 --> 00:07:38.173
Oh, uh, I have a cat.

00:07:38.593 --> 00:07:39.612
Her name is Libby.

00:07:40.423 --> 00:07:41.173
She's a hoot.

00:07:41.353 --> 00:07:43.302
She is eight.

00:07:44.233 --> 00:07:52.213
And then I have a blue healer Marshall, who's my blue demon baby.

00:07:52.242 --> 00:07:52.572
Yeah.

00:07:52.692 --> 00:07:52.903
Mm-hmm.

00:07:53.802 --> 00:07:58.872
And L Wood, who is my giant doof.

00:07:59.353 --> 00:08:00.372
He's my doofy boy.

00:08:00.463 --> 00:08:00.673
Yeah.

00:08:00.673 --> 00:08:02.773
And he's the sweetest boy in the world.

00:08:03.612 --> 00:08:03.642
Aw.

00:08:03.733 --> 00:08:06.043
Marshall and Elwood are very good, ying and yang.

00:08:06.132 --> 00:08:06.583
Oh, okay.

00:08:07.182 --> 00:08:07.392
Mm-hmm.

00:08:07.399 --> 00:08:09.343
And Libby is in charge of everybody.

00:08:10.182 --> 00:08:11.112
That sounds about right.

00:08:11.233 --> 00:08:11.502
Yep.

00:08:11.507 --> 00:08:11.918
Mm-hmm.

00:08:12.218 --> 00:08:12.437
Yep.

00:08:12.793 --> 00:08:16.843
Uh, the ruler of our house is probably the one you won't see is Nala.

00:08:17.562 --> 00:08:19.423
She is, she's all the bonus beans.

00:08:19.572 --> 00:08:19.963
Oh.

00:08:20.052 --> 00:08:20.293
Mm-hmm.

00:08:20.533 --> 00:08:21.673
And she is the boss.

00:08:22.903 --> 00:08:24.492
Uh, this one thinks she's the boss.

00:08:25.033 --> 00:08:25.632
This one's

00:08:25.632 --> 00:08:26.233
lovey.

00:08:26.713 --> 00:08:27.312
Yeah.

00:08:27.312 --> 00:08:28.663
Lovey dovey ala.

00:08:28.663 --> 00:08:31.723
Are you possessed by something?

00:08:32.113 --> 00:08:32.352
No.

00:08:32.352 --> 00:08:33.312
It's too early in the day.

00:08:33.312 --> 00:08:34.903
That's at 2:00 AM That's fair.

00:08:35.023 --> 00:08:35.202
Yeah.

00:08:35.472 --> 00:08:36.883
Thank goodness I'm a hard sleeper.

00:08:36.942 --> 00:08:40.393
Although she likes to lick my eyelids when she thinks I've been asleep for too long.

00:08:40.602 --> 00:08:41.052
Oh.

00:08:41.052 --> 00:08:41.682
Mm-hmm.

00:08:42.072 --> 00:08:42.643
That's

00:08:42.822 --> 00:08:43.363
different.

00:08:43.452 --> 00:08:46.033
I now have a sleeping mask that I wear

00:08:46.033 --> 00:08:50.413
to prevent this, you know, that if you were to die in your apartment, they'll eat me.

00:08:51.102 --> 00:08:52.393
It sounds like she definitely will.

00:08:52.452 --> 00:08:52.842
Oh, yeah.

00:08:52.842 --> 00:08:53.802
No, she's preparing.

00:08:53.863 --> 00:08:53.982
I

00:08:53.982 --> 00:08:54.163
am.

00:08:54.163 --> 00:08:55.123
A hundred percent.

00:08:55.302 --> 00:08:56.383
I've already accepted that.

00:08:56.712 --> 00:08:56.893
Yeah.

00:08:56.893 --> 00:08:57.613
I'm like, Nope.

00:08:58.003 --> 00:09:01.302
If I die here, you'll just, you'll all find little bits eaten outta me.

00:09:01.302 --> 00:09:02.082
Assume it was ala.

00:09:02.263 --> 00:09:02.533
Yeah.

00:09:02.538 --> 00:09:02.707
Yeah.

00:09:02.773 --> 00:09:03.432
I think that's fair.

00:09:04.452 --> 00:09:06.163
And you should see the look on her face right now.

00:09:06.163 --> 00:09:07.067
She's just like Uhhuh.

00:09:07.072 --> 00:09:07.692
Mm-hmm.

00:09:08.097 --> 00:09:09.327
A hundred percent.

00:09:09.567 --> 00:09:10.587
You're so pretty.

00:09:10.587 --> 00:09:13.138
You've got a Lucy in the window keeping watch.

00:09:13.288 --> 00:09:13.498
Mm-hmm.

00:09:14.067 --> 00:09:14.248
Yeah.

00:09:14.248 --> 00:09:14.817
It's pretty good.

00:09:15.957 --> 00:09:17.067
Are you showing off?

00:09:17.908 --> 00:09:19.827
You don't usually socialize this much.

00:09:20.067 --> 00:09:20.128
I

00:09:20.128 --> 00:09:22.498
say she like freaked out when I first

00:09:22.707 --> 00:09:23.187
Oh yeah.

00:09:23.217 --> 00:09:24.748
She bolts, she's a bolter.

00:09:24.753 --> 00:09:24.842
Mm-hmm.

00:09:25.462 --> 00:09:34.977
But, but we are chatting today about grief and caregiving and Yeah.

00:09:34.977 --> 00:09:36.898
All of that fun stuff.

00:09:36.927 --> 00:09:42.868
So where did your, how did your caregiving journey,'cause you were caring for your grandma.

00:09:43.317 --> 00:09:43.648
Yeah.

00:09:43.857 --> 00:09:46.258
How did that, how did that come about for you?

00:09:48.177 --> 00:09:57.268
Um, well I grew up having caregiving of some kind mm-hmm.

00:09:57.567 --> 00:09:58.498
Um, in life.

00:09:58.498 --> 00:10:03.388
So, uh, it's very, you know, it takes a village Yeah.

00:10:03.388 --> 00:10:04.648
In, in my family.

00:10:04.707 --> 00:10:05.067
Yeah.

00:10:05.788 --> 00:10:06.357
Um.

00:10:07.258 --> 00:10:13.227
My grandpa was sick and had been sick for quite a while.

00:10:13.288 --> 00:10:13.378
Mm-hmm.

00:10:13.738 --> 00:10:19.528
And my grandma was taking care of him and it was getting to a point where it was just a lot for her.

00:10:19.648 --> 00:10:19.947
Yeah.

00:10:20.337 --> 00:10:34.798
So my husband and I had been living on the west side and, uh, we moved over, we moved back over to the east side and we're close by.

00:10:35.038 --> 00:10:38.278
And then that changed to like a year or two later.

00:10:39.477 --> 00:10:42.327
Um, how would you feel if we moved back on the farm?

00:10:42.332 --> 00:10:42.552
Mm-hmm.

00:10:42.633 --> 00:10:42.832
Because

00:10:42.832 --> 00:10:43.947
there's two houses on the farm.

00:10:43.947 --> 00:10:44.248
Okay.

00:10:45.388 --> 00:10:49.528
How would you feel if we moved back on the farm and we could just kind of be there for you and help

00:10:49.587 --> 00:10:50.008
Yeah.

00:10:50.457 --> 00:10:52.018
Uh, relieve you a little bit.

00:10:52.018 --> 00:10:53.457
Help with things around the property.

00:10:53.518 --> 00:10:53.788
Yeah.

00:10:53.788 --> 00:10:54.988
And still have your own space.

00:10:55.092 --> 00:10:55.552
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:55.552 --> 00:10:55.857
Yeah.

00:10:55.977 --> 00:11:00.118
Um, and she was very receptive to that.

00:11:01.258 --> 00:11:05.427
And we moved in in September.

00:11:07.498 --> 00:11:09.748
My grandpa passed away the next month.

00:11:10.378 --> 00:11:10.707
Okay.

00:11:11.307 --> 00:11:17.038
And so that changed what originally the plan was about staying and helping.

00:11:17.097 --> 00:11:17.548
Right.

00:11:17.607 --> 00:11:20.097
And we talked to her and said, you know what?

00:11:20.097 --> 00:11:26.008
If we stayed anyway so that you weren't alone Yeah.

00:11:26.008 --> 00:11:31.798
On the property, um, you can go through your grief and what you need to do.

00:11:31.918 --> 00:11:32.008
Mm-hmm.

00:11:32.248 --> 00:11:33.477
But we're here for you.

00:11:33.628 --> 00:11:34.048
Yeah.

00:11:34.107 --> 00:11:35.427
You don't have to grieve alone.

00:11:35.847 --> 00:11:40.288
And so we had originally planned on doing that for like roughly two years.

00:11:40.288 --> 00:11:43.107
So this was in 2016.

00:11:43.113 --> 00:11:43.293
Okay.

00:11:44.097 --> 00:11:50.337
And she felt more comfortable that we were there.

00:11:50.548 --> 00:11:50.758
Yeah.

00:11:50.758 --> 00:11:53.817
So we decided to just stay for a little while longer.

00:11:53.878 --> 00:11:54.057
Mm-hmm.

00:11:54.658 --> 00:11:56.817
And she was very independent and did her own thing.

00:11:56.878 --> 00:11:57.057
Yeah.

00:11:57.087 --> 00:11:57.837
She was fine.

00:11:59.008 --> 00:12:08.187
And then in 2020, in January of 2020, she had a mild heart attack and needed some help.

00:12:08.278 --> 00:12:08.457
Mm-hmm.

00:12:09.567 --> 00:12:10.888
And thankfully we were there.

00:12:10.947 --> 00:12:11.368
Yeah.

00:12:11.368 --> 00:12:12.538
Able to call 9 1 1.

00:12:12.538 --> 00:12:14.008
We just happened to be there.

00:12:15.057 --> 00:12:21.988
And by the time she was to a point that she could start doing things on her own again, everything shut down.

00:12:22.138 --> 00:12:22.197
Yeah.

00:12:22.857 --> 00:12:25.798
'cause it was in March, everything shut down.

00:12:26.847 --> 00:12:28.197
It was important.

00:12:28.317 --> 00:12:30.057
She was home and safe.

00:12:30.087 --> 00:12:30.477
Yeah.

00:12:30.778 --> 00:12:53.727
So, you know, I was doing her grocery shopping and taking her to appointments and, um, then by the time things were getting better as far as COVID with vaccines and feeling better about going out, understanding things a little bit better.

00:12:53.727 --> 00:12:53.937
Right.

00:12:53.937 --> 00:12:57.268
And, um, then she had a stroke.

00:12:58.302 --> 00:13:06.163
In September of 2021, and that's when she started really needing help.

00:13:06.222 --> 00:13:06.523
Yeah.

00:13:06.643 --> 00:13:10.332
Um, I mean, she was totally fine.

00:13:10.513 --> 00:13:11.893
You know, she was cognitive.

00:13:12.013 --> 00:13:12.373
Yeah.

00:13:12.373 --> 00:13:17.472
She had no issues whatsoever that way, but her body was starting to take more of a

00:13:17.472 --> 00:13:18.072
toll.

00:13:18.102 --> 00:13:18.192
Mm-hmm.

00:13:18.552 --> 00:13:21.043
So I was doing more for her.

00:13:21.043 --> 00:13:22.692
I just kept shopping and Yeah.

00:13:22.783 --> 00:13:29.562
Taking her to appointments and, and it just slowly, little by little every year naturally progressed along.

00:13:29.727 --> 00:13:30.018
Yeah.

00:13:30.102 --> 00:13:30.582
Yeah.

00:13:30.582 --> 00:13:37.273
So we just stayed and took care of her until she passed.

00:13:37.332 --> 00:13:37.452
Yeah.

00:13:37.482 --> 00:13:38.863
Uh, just this August.

00:13:39.643 --> 00:13:40.033
Yeah.

00:13:40.182 --> 00:13:40.393
Yeah.

00:13:41.832 --> 00:13:42.102
It's been

00:13:42.102 --> 00:13:42.493
a journey.

00:13:42.913 --> 00:13:43.812
Definitely.

00:13:43.932 --> 00:13:44.143
Yeah.

00:13:44.413 --> 00:13:51.253
I don't think I'd realized that you guys had moved in before or moved on to the property before your grandpa had passed.

00:13:51.613 --> 00:13:52.062
Yeah.

00:13:52.663 --> 00:13:52.903
Yeah.

00:13:53.232 --> 00:13:56.153
So we, the plan was just to help and then, yeah, he.

00:13:57.238 --> 00:14:00.057
You know, we were there when he passed.

00:14:00.057 --> 00:14:02.668
We were able to be there for her and yeah.

00:14:03.238 --> 00:14:04.707
Um, yeah.

00:14:04.707 --> 00:14:05.518
It's been a journey.

00:14:06.298 --> 00:14:07.738
I mean, 2016.

00:14:07.918 --> 00:14:08.248
Yeah.

00:14:08.248 --> 00:14:09.748
That's nine years.

00:14:09.807 --> 00:14:10.197
Yeah.

00:14:10.498 --> 00:14:10.918
Wow.

00:14:11.008 --> 00:14:13.107
It's crazy to think about.

00:14:13.378 --> 00:14:13.587
Yeah.

00:14:13.618 --> 00:14:14.908
Pretty much a decade Yeah.

00:14:14.967 --> 00:14:18.238
Of our life, but I wouldn't change it.

00:14:19.258 --> 00:14:27.298
What, what has been different about grieving your grandma versus grieving your grandpa?

00:14:27.298 --> 00:14:30.748
Because I know you and your grandpa were really close, so you and your grandpa were too.

00:14:31.048 --> 00:14:31.498
Yeah.

00:14:31.498 --> 00:14:31.648
But yeah.

00:14:31.648 --> 00:14:35.668
Um, my grandpa and I were very close.

00:14:36.057 --> 00:14:47.187
Um, it hit, it was very hard, like, uh, physically it took quite a toll on me.

00:14:47.248 --> 00:14:47.577
Yeah.

00:14:47.878 --> 00:14:56.128
Um, thankfully I happened to already be in therapy.

00:14:56.623 --> 00:14:57.258
Yay therapy.

00:14:57.597 --> 00:14:57.977
So yeah.

00:14:57.998 --> 00:14:58.217
Yay.

00:14:58.243 --> 00:14:58.663
Therapy.

00:14:58.783 --> 00:14:59.863
I suggest it for everybody.

00:15:00.373 --> 00:15:04.753
Um, so I was able to deal with a lot of stuff that way.

00:15:04.812 --> 00:15:05.082
Yeah.

00:15:05.773 --> 00:15:07.332
Uh, but it was a very hard time.

00:15:08.982 --> 00:15:18.942
I also was with grandma and able to kind of share in the grief.

00:15:19.003 --> 00:15:19.212
Yeah.

00:15:19.212 --> 00:15:19.222
Yeah.

00:15:19.273 --> 00:15:22.602
Her grief obviously was way more different.

00:15:22.602 --> 00:15:23.202
Complex.

00:15:23.232 --> 00:15:23.503
Yeah.

00:15:23.508 --> 00:15:25.332
And different than, than mine because had,

00:15:25.423 --> 00:15:27.582
had they been, they've been together for a very long time.

00:15:27.613 --> 00:15:28.092
Yeah.

00:15:28.092 --> 00:15:31.393
Since they were 17, 18.

00:15:31.393 --> 00:15:31.903
Wow.

00:15:31.962 --> 00:15:35.503
They got married when they were 19 and 20.

00:15:35.682 --> 00:15:35.923
Yeah.

00:15:36.852 --> 00:15:39.552
Um, they were married 62 years when he passed.

00:15:39.552 --> 00:15:39.613
Wow.

00:15:40.692 --> 00:15:49.302
Um, so there was, um, I mean, it's not that it wasn't hard.

00:15:49.423 --> 00:15:49.513
Yeah.

00:15:49.543 --> 00:15:51.822
But I wasn't the primary caregiver.

00:15:52.918 --> 00:15:55.048
So I could step away from it a little bit.

00:15:55.107 --> 00:15:55.498
Right.

00:15:55.498 --> 00:15:58.107
Grandma was the one who was very much in the thick of it.

00:15:59.248 --> 00:16:03.508
Um, so I could step away with grandma.

00:16:06.148 --> 00:16:07.768
I was there all the time.

00:16:07.857 --> 00:16:08.217
Right.

00:16:08.937 --> 00:16:16.528
In some ways it was kind of like you were a spouse, ma'am.

00:16:20.488 --> 00:16:20.937
Yes.

00:16:20.937 --> 00:16:24.778
You, we were having a moment and then you start scratching at my rug.

00:16:24.868 --> 00:16:26.668
Well, that's where the sunspot is.

00:16:28.347 --> 00:16:28.857
Oh my gosh.

00:16:28.857 --> 00:16:29.368
She's so cute.

00:16:30.748 --> 00:16:41.697
Um, let me, uh, so with, um, with grandma, it's kind of like you ha you're a spouse.

00:16:41.758 --> 00:16:42.028
Yeah.

00:16:42.567 --> 00:16:44.878
It's a much more intimate situation.

00:16:45.538 --> 00:16:49.107
You're in each other's lives every single day.

00:16:49.138 --> 00:16:49.227
Mm-hmm.

00:16:49.857 --> 00:16:51.118
For hours at a time.

00:16:52.018 --> 00:16:59.427
Um, I'm her confidant in ways that you aren't necessarily with just anyone.

00:16:59.577 --> 00:16:59.908
Right.

00:17:00.898 --> 00:17:06.087
Um, because you see her, you were able to see her at her at her best and at her worst.

00:17:06.087 --> 00:17:06.327
Yeah.

00:17:06.327 --> 00:17:08.337
And everywhere in between.

00:17:08.337 --> 00:17:08.577
Yeah.

00:17:08.577 --> 00:17:08.667
And

00:17:08.667 --> 00:17:11.458
that's, she trusts you.

00:17:11.488 --> 00:17:11.847
Yeah.

00:17:12.087 --> 00:17:23.968
Um, to just be raw and honest where she usually would have something up and be okay with most.

00:17:24.028 --> 00:17:24.327
Yeah.

00:17:25.317 --> 00:17:34.107
Um, so that's, that makes it a little deeper of a loss.

00:17:34.137 --> 00:17:34.498
Yeah.

00:17:34.617 --> 00:17:36.958
Not that grandpa wasn't important.

00:17:37.048 --> 00:17:37.798
No, definitely.

00:17:37.798 --> 00:17:41.607
But it just, the components Yeah.

00:17:41.698 --> 00:17:43.498
Are, are a lot different.

00:17:43.617 --> 00:17:44.008
It is.

00:17:44.008 --> 00:17:44.938
It's, it's different.

00:17:45.028 --> 00:17:49.167
Um, she, uh.

00:17:50.307 --> 00:18:01.798
She had was so in my life by the time she passed, like, the way I was about my job, the way I was about friends trips.

00:18:01.827 --> 00:18:02.038
Yeah.

00:18:02.038 --> 00:18:03.567
You know, plan, just anything.

00:18:03.567 --> 00:18:05.218
It was your, your daily schedule.

00:18:05.218 --> 00:18:05.518
Yeah.

00:18:05.728 --> 00:18:09.357
It was completely around what she needed.

00:18:09.448 --> 00:18:09.597
Mm-hmm.

00:18:10.288 --> 00:18:12.748
Uh, especially those the last couple years.

00:18:12.837 --> 00:18:13.228
Yeah.

00:18:13.678 --> 00:18:24.298
Um, so when she passed, one was a relief.

00:18:24.327 --> 00:18:24.597
Mm-hmm.

00:18:26.458 --> 00:18:27.538
Because she was ready.

00:18:27.807 --> 00:18:28.167
Yeah.

00:18:28.798 --> 00:18:29.637
That's what you were saying.

00:18:29.637 --> 00:18:30.597
She, she knew

00:18:30.807 --> 00:18:32.248
she, she was ready.

00:18:32.667 --> 00:18:40.317
She was very tired and she wasn't happy to not have control of her body.

00:18:40.468 --> 00:18:40.708
Yeah.

00:18:41.698 --> 00:18:45.567
Um, especially because she was still okay mentally.

00:18:45.958 --> 00:18:46.077
Mm-hmm.

00:18:46.557 --> 00:18:48.538
Um, that just kind of made it harder.

00:18:49.167 --> 00:18:49.347
Yeah.

00:18:49.768 --> 00:18:53.278
'cause there was so much she wished she could have done and she just physically couldn't.

00:18:53.337 --> 00:19:02.907
That's how it was with, with my grandpa when he, when he, he had a stroke right before my brother graduated from high school.

00:19:03.147 --> 00:19:03.238
Mm-hmm.

00:19:03.478 --> 00:19:04.167
Like that, whatever that spring was.

00:19:04.167 --> 00:19:04.738
So oh eight.

00:19:05.397 --> 00:19:11.097
Um, and he had, he'd had after that, a couple other mm-hmm.

00:19:11.637 --> 00:19:14.968
Large, smaller, but then mini strokes also.

00:19:15.387 --> 00:19:18.357
Um, and cognitively he was, he was there.

00:19:18.357 --> 00:19:25.137
That was one of the most frustrating things for him is he would just sit there and we'd be talking and he's like, I just lose words.

00:19:25.167 --> 00:19:27.028
I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know.

00:19:27.538 --> 00:19:33.657
And then, you know, as his body declined more and more, you can see the struggle.

00:19:33.778 --> 00:19:33.867
Mm-hmm.

00:19:34.258 --> 00:19:37.018
'cause you're like, we know you're all in there.

00:19:37.167 --> 00:19:37.407
Yeah.

00:19:37.468 --> 00:19:40.887
You just can't get that out.

00:19:41.248 --> 00:19:41.577
Yeah.

00:19:41.788 --> 00:19:44.518
That, that was very hard for her.

00:19:44.998 --> 00:19:47.307
Um, she felt like she was in a prison.

00:19:47.313 --> 00:19:47.343
Mm-hmm.

00:19:47.532 --> 00:19:47.823
Like.

00:19:48.627 --> 00:19:52.107
She felt she was in a prison'cause she couldn't really leave home.

00:19:52.738 --> 00:19:55.258
Or if she did it's'cause I took her.

00:19:55.262 --> 00:19:55.583
Right.

00:19:55.738 --> 00:19:57.778
She couldn't just go out of the house.

00:19:57.958 --> 00:19:58.258
Right.

00:19:58.377 --> 00:19:59.048
Go for a walk, drive.

00:19:59.048 --> 00:20:00.303
Independence wasn't there anymore.

00:20:00.307 --> 00:20:00.387
Drive.

00:20:00.538 --> 00:20:00.897
Yeah.

00:20:00.958 --> 00:20:02.607
Which is very much who she was.

00:20:02.667 --> 00:20:02.817
Mm-hmm.

00:20:03.778 --> 00:20:07.798
And then on top of that, you're in a prison of your body.

00:20:08.607 --> 00:20:13.948
'cause to get up to go into the kitchen was so tiring.

00:20:14.127 --> 00:20:14.637
Yes.

00:20:15.028 --> 00:20:24.147
To get up to go to the bathroom or she couldn't just go out on the deck, you know?

00:20:24.327 --> 00:20:24.688
Right.

00:20:24.748 --> 00:20:27.627
If she did, it was a whole production.

00:20:27.897 --> 00:20:28.228
Right.

00:20:28.438 --> 00:20:29.847
And I needed to be with her.

00:20:29.853 --> 00:20:30.073
Mm-hmm.

00:20:30.153 --> 00:20:30.807
And help her.

00:20:31.633 --> 00:20:34.393
Then she couldn't be out very long'cause she was just so tired.

00:20:34.452 --> 00:20:35.292
Yeah, yeah.

00:20:35.353 --> 00:20:38.502
You know, I'd, I'd put a chair out and say, please just sit.

00:20:38.893 --> 00:20:44.923
If she had too much of a burst of energy, she'd try to weed uhhuh or do little things.

00:20:44.923 --> 00:20:45.252
Yeah.

00:20:45.432 --> 00:20:54.282
But that took so much and I'd have to try to remind her that she had to have enough energy to get back in the house.

00:20:54.313 --> 00:20:54.823
Right.

00:20:55.573 --> 00:20:57.522
So that kind of stuff.

00:20:57.673 --> 00:21:09.432
And finding the, I never ever wanted to seem like I was telling her what to do.

00:21:09.583 --> 00:21:09.853
Yeah.

00:21:10.722 --> 00:21:16.393
I always wanted to try to be respectful and treat her as an adult.

00:21:16.512 --> 00:21:16.692
Mm-hmm.

00:21:17.323 --> 00:21:21.042
And not have her think she's being treated like a child.

00:21:21.103 --> 00:21:21.643
Right.

00:21:21.823 --> 00:21:24.702
Which was one of the things that pissed her off the most.

00:21:25.678 --> 00:21:26.968
With other people.

00:21:26.998 --> 00:21:27.327
Yeah.

00:21:27.958 --> 00:21:34.948
Was they would try to tell her what was best or they'd, they'd come and then they'd move something of hers.

00:21:34.978 --> 00:21:35.458
Yeah.

00:21:35.518 --> 00:21:36.807
And Oh my gosh.

00:21:36.807 --> 00:21:37.018
Because

00:21:37.018 --> 00:21:38.278
they thought it would be better.

00:21:38.337 --> 00:21:38.607
Yeah.

00:21:38.607 --> 00:21:39.238
For her over, yeah.

00:21:39.387 --> 00:21:41.907
They talked at her.

00:21:41.907 --> 00:21:42.718
Mm-hmm.

00:21:43.137 --> 00:21:45.178
Or that she wasn't there.

00:21:45.928 --> 00:21:47.907
Um, that bugged her.

00:21:47.968 --> 00:21:48.268
Yeah.

00:21:48.327 --> 00:21:48.748
A lot.

00:21:49.377 --> 00:21:49.857
A lot.

00:21:50.008 --> 00:21:50.218
Yeah.

00:21:50.218 --> 00:21:51.837
Or talking, talking around her.

00:21:51.837 --> 00:21:51.897
Yeah.

00:21:52.077 --> 00:21:53.038
But not to her.

00:21:53.067 --> 00:21:53.337
Yeah.

00:21:53.577 --> 00:21:53.817
Yeah.

00:21:53.877 --> 00:21:59.998
Um, or whether you agree with it or not, she has told you no.

00:22:00.357 --> 00:22:04.228
Or she has told you to do this or she, it's her home.

00:22:04.407 --> 00:22:04.468
Yeah.

00:22:04.468 --> 00:22:05.428
It's her space.

00:22:05.488 --> 00:22:06.357
It's her life.

00:22:06.357 --> 00:22:06.417
You

00:22:06.417 --> 00:22:08.143
still have to listen and respect that.

00:22:08.212 --> 00:22:08.502
Yeah.

00:22:08.522 --> 00:22:10.617
So that upset her a lot.

00:22:10.708 --> 00:22:11.038
Yeah.

00:22:11.548 --> 00:22:13.557
Which is also extra energy she didn't really have.

00:22:13.738 --> 00:22:14.067
Right.

00:22:14.548 --> 00:22:14.907
Yeah.

00:22:14.938 --> 00:22:18.087
So I tried really hard to, to do.

00:22:18.748 --> 00:22:23.548
That to just be respectful of whatever it was, I might roll my eyes in a corner mm-hmm.

00:22:23.788 --> 00:22:26.097
And think, well, this could be so much easier.

00:22:26.248 --> 00:22:26.518
Yeah.

00:22:26.577 --> 00:22:28.288
But it's what she wanted.

00:22:28.438 --> 00:22:34.678
And she probably knew that you were over in the corner rolling your eyes too and going Probably, well, I'm gonna do it my way.

00:22:34.682 --> 00:22:34.792
Yep,

00:22:34.798 --> 00:22:35.363
yep, yep.

00:22:36.298 --> 00:22:36.627
Yeah.

00:22:36.627 --> 00:22:42.268
And if you tried to push, my God, did it make it harder, so just, you know, just go with it.

00:22:42.327 --> 00:22:42.538
Mm-hmm.

00:22:42.897 --> 00:22:53.998
Um, but that was very, when, when she did pass, you kind of feel or I kind of felt lost.

00:22:54.117 --> 00:22:54.597
Yeah.

00:22:54.837 --> 00:22:56.938
And you know, it hasn't been that long.

00:22:56.942 --> 00:22:56.952
Mm-hmm.

00:22:57.093 --> 00:23:05.968
So I still to a degree have that, where now my days are truly my days.

00:23:05.998 --> 00:23:06.478
Right.

00:23:07.077 --> 00:23:09.988
Um, and that can be hard.

00:23:10.167 --> 00:23:10.498
Mm-hmm.

00:23:11.998 --> 00:23:17.587
Or you have time to yourself to do whatever you want.

00:23:18.298 --> 00:23:24.268
You almost feel guilty because the reason you have it right is because she's not here.

00:23:24.448 --> 00:23:24.718
Yeah.

00:23:25.167 --> 00:23:30.718
Um, which I know she would appreciate and love.

00:23:30.748 --> 00:23:31.137
Yeah.

00:23:31.228 --> 00:23:42.867
Because she was definitely to a point with me where she'd say things like, um, you didn't sign up for it to be this long.

00:23:43.407 --> 00:23:45.057
I'm so sorry I'm taking so long.

00:23:46.438 --> 00:23:51.958
Which if you knew my grandmother, you know, and I'd be like, oh my gosh, that's not right.

00:23:51.958 --> 00:23:52.077
You're

00:23:52.077 --> 00:23:52.498
like, that

00:23:52.498 --> 00:23:52.738
was

00:23:53.188 --> 00:23:54.633
not in my head, but thank you.

00:23:54.633 --> 00:23:55.077
That's not how I

00:23:55.077 --> 00:23:56.218
thought about it at all.

00:23:57.057 --> 00:24:02.157
But she was very big on, you have a life, you should do things.

00:24:02.157 --> 00:24:02.218
Yeah.

00:24:02.248 --> 00:24:03.238
You are young.

00:24:03.387 --> 00:24:05.038
You're, you're stuck here.

00:24:05.038 --> 00:24:06.567
She'd worry about my job.

00:24:06.567 --> 00:24:08.817
She'd, you know?

00:24:08.823 --> 00:24:08.903
Yeah.

00:24:09.022 --> 00:24:10.317
I, I'd be like, you're being silly.

00:24:10.738 --> 00:24:10.917
Yeah.

00:24:10.917 --> 00:24:11.607
And it's fine.

00:24:12.057 --> 00:24:13.018
Everything's okay.

00:24:13.857 --> 00:24:14.992
Um, but.

00:24:17.143 --> 00:24:19.992
She recognized things that I think I was ignoring.

00:24:20.083 --> 00:24:20.262
Mm-hmm.

00:24:20.952 --> 00:24:22.303
But what else was I gonna do?

00:24:22.303 --> 00:24:22.363
Yeah.

00:24:22.393 --> 00:24:28.032
Like I was gonna be there for her and it was a choice that I made and I don't regret making that choice.

00:24:28.032 --> 00:24:28.452
And

00:24:28.813 --> 00:24:31.843
you got, you were able to get so much time with her.

00:24:31.903 --> 00:24:32.383
Yeah.

00:24:32.413 --> 00:24:42.732
Like, yes, you were with her like all the time, but you got, I would imagine some really good moments that you might not have had the opportunity to get if you weren't there.

00:24:42.883 --> 00:24:58.303
One of the things that I think is really neat was after grandpa passed away, I had this unique opportunity to watch her become her own person.

00:24:58.423 --> 00:24:58.603
Mm-hmm.

00:24:59.323 --> 00:25:04.482
'cause her whole life, up until that point, she'd always lived with someone.

00:25:04.722 --> 00:25:05.083
Yeah.

00:25:05.923 --> 00:25:09.133
She was always taking care of someone.

00:25:09.373 --> 00:25:09.462
Mm-hmm.

00:25:09.702 --> 00:25:10.782
Or being a unit.

00:25:10.788 --> 00:25:11.077
Mm-hmm.

00:25:12.163 --> 00:25:15.073
And it was this opportunity to see her.

00:25:16.573 --> 00:25:24.972
Yeah, there was some struggle going through it, but her becoming independent and a woman on her own terms.

00:25:25.063 --> 00:25:25.722
Yes.

00:25:26.442 --> 00:25:30.163
And how often does a grandkid

00:25:30.252 --> 00:25:31.093
get to see that?

00:25:31.123 --> 00:25:31.452
Yeah.

00:25:31.542 --> 00:25:36.702
Get to see their grandparent as just a person.

00:25:36.708 --> 00:25:36.827
Mm-hmm.

00:25:37.363 --> 00:25:39.012
And their own person.

00:25:39.012 --> 00:25:39.432
Yes.

00:25:39.462 --> 00:25:42.673
Not, not part of that unit, not part of a pair or, yeah.

00:25:43.482 --> 00:25:59.323
So that was a pretty unique opportunity to get to have and to see her, I think in some ways that when she was younger, she had hoped

00:25:59.502 --> 00:26:00.282
for mm-hmm.

00:26:00.853 --> 00:26:02.623
Um, that independence.

00:26:02.623 --> 00:26:04.093
Think for yourself.

00:26:04.182 --> 00:26:04.603
Yeah.

00:26:04.813 --> 00:26:07.093
You know, and then I'm just there going go grandma.

00:26:07.303 --> 00:26:07.633
Yeah.

00:26:08.173 --> 00:26:08.712
And it's nice.

00:26:08.712 --> 00:26:10.992
She had a few years before things got.

00:26:12.178 --> 00:26:13.167
Harder for her.

00:26:13.228 --> 00:26:13.557
Yeah.

00:26:13.617 --> 00:26:15.327
That she could experience that a little bit

00:26:15.387 --> 00:26:15.958
for sure.

00:26:16.617 --> 00:26:21.417
Um, but yeah, so that was, I'm very thankful for that time.

00:26:22.317 --> 00:26:29.548
And she's also a huge reason that I travel how I have mm-hmm.

00:26:29.907 --> 00:26:31.647
And hope to continue to do.

00:26:32.788 --> 00:26:38.637
'cause I recall years ago she was laying in bed.

00:26:38.667 --> 00:26:41.127
She was tired'cause she'd been taking care of grandpa.

00:26:41.188 --> 00:26:41.458
Yeah.

00:26:42.538 --> 00:26:56.248
And she, I was debating on going on a trip and she just grabbed my hand and she said, don't be 82 years old laying in bed regretting the things you didn't do.

00:26:56.397 --> 00:26:56.788
Yeah.

00:26:57.837 --> 00:26:59.038
You have the time.

00:26:59.218 --> 00:26:59.458
Wow.

00:26:59.548 --> 00:27:00.778
You don't have kids.

00:27:01.438 --> 00:27:03.327
Um, you can make more money.

00:27:04.167 --> 00:27:04.528
Just go.

00:27:06.178 --> 00:27:07.077
You have an opportunity.

00:27:07.077 --> 00:27:07.498
Just go.

00:27:08.667 --> 00:27:09.028
I love

00:27:09.028 --> 00:27:10.107
that she was that.

00:27:10.617 --> 00:27:11.607
Advocate for you.

00:27:12.117 --> 00:27:12.387
Yeah.

00:27:12.387 --> 00:27:14.488
She's a very big reason.

00:27:14.637 --> 00:27:21.478
I, I can easily justify doing things.

00:27:21.597 --> 00:27:21.807
Yeah.

00:27:22.258 --> 00:27:23.218
And having fun.

00:27:23.758 --> 00:27:27.448
And she was probably, I, yeah.

00:27:27.478 --> 00:27:30.417
The first big trip I ever took in high school.

00:27:30.778 --> 00:27:33.958
I, I went to DC for the first time and she was a huge reason.

00:27:33.958 --> 00:27:34.678
I, I went.

00:27:34.768 --> 00:27:35.097
Yeah.

00:27:35.548 --> 00:27:38.337
You know, she was a really big, you know, it was one of those like fundraiser things.

00:27:38.397 --> 00:27:38.607
Yeah.

00:27:38.698 --> 00:27:39.057
Oh.

00:27:39.208 --> 00:27:40.647
So she was a big supporter that way.

00:27:40.647 --> 00:27:41.998
But I was also nervous.

00:27:41.998 --> 00:27:43.258
Like I had never Yeah.

00:27:43.258 --> 00:27:45.867
You know, and she's, yeah.

00:27:46.317 --> 00:27:47.548
Go, it's important.

00:27:47.577 --> 00:27:49.288
It'll be so much fun and mm-hmm.

00:27:49.587 --> 00:27:55.137
I think she enjoyed seeing the life of her grandchildren, what they did.

00:27:55.198 --> 00:27:55.617
Yeah.

00:27:55.948 --> 00:27:57.028
Um, things that they did.

00:27:57.028 --> 00:28:00.807
She loved hearing those things and seeing us thrive.

00:28:01.557 --> 00:28:01.978
So

00:28:02.397 --> 00:28:05.488
seeing the, seeing the things that you love and.

00:28:06.012 --> 00:28:08.292
That she got to be a part of that, you know?

00:28:08.298 --> 00:28:08.538
Mm-hmm.

00:28:08.833 --> 00:28:10.903
And she still gets to be a part of that now?

00:28:11.292 --> 00:28:11.682
Yeah.

00:28:11.833 --> 00:28:12.163
Yeah.

00:28:12.163 --> 00:28:20.202
She's Any traveling I do now, I'll probably always be thinking about her in some capacity.

00:28:20.323 --> 00:28:20.653
Yeah.

00:28:20.923 --> 00:28:26.742
Which, that is one of the harder things,'cause I'd always show her pictures.

00:28:26.742 --> 00:28:26.833
Mm-hmm.

00:28:27.103 --> 00:28:28.452
Or I'd tell her a story.

00:28:28.512 --> 00:28:28.722
Right.

00:28:28.722 --> 00:28:37.032
Or she would always ask questions and they'd be questions I would never even have thought to ask.

00:28:37.423 --> 00:28:37.873
Yeah.

00:28:38.083 --> 00:28:40.153
And I just look at her and go, I don't know.

00:28:40.153 --> 00:28:41.413
And she goes, well why didn't you ask

00:28:42.403 --> 00:28:45.313
you, like, because you didn't give a list of questions before I left.

00:28:45.373 --> 00:28:47.502
I didn't even think that was a big deal.

00:28:47.712 --> 00:28:51.702
So she always, she's like, you always say I ask too many questions.

00:28:52.573 --> 00:29:04.123
No, that's not exactly, but she would say that a lot'cause she did ask a bunch of random questions that I, I'm thinking I would never have thought.

00:29:04.542 --> 00:29:05.653
To a, what?

00:29:05.653 --> 00:29:07.272
An interesting question.

00:29:07.272 --> 00:29:08.053
Sorry.

00:29:09.823 --> 00:29:11.682
Let's look it up on our phone.

00:29:11.682 --> 00:29:13.482
She, do you have your phone with you?

00:29:13.752 --> 00:29:15.343
Yeah, we'll look it up.

00:29:15.432 --> 00:29:15.883
Okay.

00:29:18.522 --> 00:29:19.423
Oh my gosh.

00:29:19.573 --> 00:29:20.353
That's amazing.

00:29:20.413 --> 00:29:22.153
She was a very curious person.

00:29:22.932 --> 00:29:31.873
She always wanted to learn new things and see new things and she was a very special lady, that's for sure.

00:29:32.113 --> 00:29:32.442
Yeah.

00:29:32.742 --> 00:29:32.952
So

00:29:33.583 --> 00:29:41.833
has, you know, we were talking about this earlier before we started recording, and how grief will whack you in the face in the weirdest moments.

00:29:42.252 --> 00:29:42.883
Grief is weird.

00:29:43.093 --> 00:29:53.948
Have you, have you had like random where you're like not even doing something grandma adjacent that your grief has just hit you really hard?

00:29:55.698 --> 00:29:57.107
Yeah, yeah.

00:29:57.407 --> 00:29:57.627
Um.

00:29:59.143 --> 00:30:01.363
I'm not a, I'm not a big crier.

00:30:01.452 --> 00:30:01.633
Mm-hmm.

00:30:01.873 --> 00:30:06.073
So I wouldn't say that it's been anything where all of a sudden I've just started to cry.

00:30:06.077 --> 00:30:06.097
Yeah.

00:30:09.282 --> 00:30:13.962
She was very close to her great-grandkids.

00:30:14.022 --> 00:30:15.762
She loved being a great-grandma.

00:30:16.752 --> 00:30:28.603
And the youngest one just had his birthday last month and I went into a store and it happened to be a kid's store.

00:30:29.442 --> 00:30:37.153
And I went into the store and I saw these hot wheel cars, which she'd always buy them for the boys.

00:30:38.803 --> 00:30:43.272
And I, I was just so sad all of a sudden.

00:30:43.272 --> 00:30:43.873
Yeah.

00:30:44.593 --> 00:30:48.792
Because that would've been the time of year I would've probably been buying some for her.

00:30:48.823 --> 00:30:49.032
Mm-hmm.

00:30:49.873 --> 00:30:51.373
To get ready to give to the boys.

00:30:51.403 --> 00:30:54.373
'cause they would be coming over for a dinner to celebrate his birthday.

00:30:54.462 --> 00:30:54.702
Yeah.

00:30:56.113 --> 00:30:56.623
And.

00:30:59.008 --> 00:31:03.147
I was sad I wasn't buying the toys for her.

00:31:03.178 --> 00:31:03.597
Yeah.

00:31:04.077 --> 00:31:05.637
I ended up buying the toys anyway.

00:31:05.698 --> 00:31:06.028
Yeah.

00:31:06.087 --> 00:31:07.048
To give them to the boys.

00:31:07.137 --> 00:31:07.407
Right.

00:31:07.557 --> 00:31:10.708
But it, that wasn't the plan, that wasn't the thought.

00:31:10.738 --> 00:31:11.067
Yeah.

00:31:11.127 --> 00:31:21.147
It just kind of came up and then when I did get to see them, there was a sadness of she doesn't get to watch them grow anymore.

00:31:21.268 --> 00:31:21.567
Yeah.

00:31:22.198 --> 00:31:23.847
That like, that kind of thing.

00:31:23.877 --> 00:31:24.238
Right.

00:31:24.928 --> 00:31:36.778
My husband a couple weeks ago asked me if he should bring home some dinner and if I wanted some fried shrimp, and I just was like, Aw, grandma loved fried shrimp.

00:31:36.778 --> 00:31:36.988
Like

00:31:37.198 --> 00:31:38.097
just Yeah.

00:31:38.097 --> 00:31:38.107
Yeah.

00:31:38.788 --> 00:31:39.057
It does.

00:31:39.057 --> 00:31:43.647
It creeps up on you and shows up in strange moments and Yeah.

00:31:44.097 --> 00:31:44.998
And ways and

00:31:45.538 --> 00:31:45.928
it's,

00:31:45.928 --> 00:31:46.137
it's

00:31:46.137 --> 00:31:47.218
a very interesting

00:31:47.968 --> 00:31:48.387
Hello?

00:31:49.827 --> 00:31:53.038
Um, grief is weird, man.

00:31:53.127 --> 00:31:53.518
Yeah.

00:31:54.298 --> 00:31:55.617
Grief is really.

00:31:56.863 --> 00:31:57.492
Weird.

00:31:57.732 --> 00:32:01.212
And it's a very different way than how it was with grandpa.

00:32:01.843 --> 00:32:02.143
Yeah.

00:32:02.712 --> 00:32:13.393
I also find my, I'm fortunate'cause I'm still living in the home and so grandma's house is next door and I can go up there.

00:32:13.692 --> 00:32:14.113
Right.

00:32:15.103 --> 00:32:19.063
And for some people that might be hard to do'cause she passed there.

00:32:19.123 --> 00:32:19.242
Mm-hmm.

00:32:20.143 --> 00:32:33.823
But for me, I, it's nice to go sit up there and just be quiet and just kind of be in a space that I always found safe and it's my home.

00:32:33.883 --> 00:32:34.153
Yeah.

00:32:34.212 --> 00:32:35.173
I grew up there.

00:32:35.262 --> 00:32:35.472
Yeah.

00:32:35.982 --> 00:32:40.843
You know, they always had lived there together and there's so much of both of them.

00:32:40.962 --> 00:32:41.232
Yeah.

00:32:41.502 --> 00:32:41.863
In

00:32:41.863 --> 00:32:41.982
the

00:32:41.982 --> 00:32:42.853
atmosphere.

00:32:42.913 --> 00:32:43.333
Yeah.

00:32:43.482 --> 00:32:51.432
There's so when I get a little antsy or I'm just having a moment, I can just go up there and Yeah.

00:32:52.363 --> 00:32:54.133
Now you need to have a healthy balance.

00:32:54.478 --> 00:32:54.988
Right.

00:32:55.167 --> 00:33:08.667
And thankfully my husband is wonderful and patient and has come up several different times over the past couple months and said, okay, it's time to come home.

00:33:08.968 --> 00:33:09.238
Yeah.

00:33:09.748 --> 00:33:09.958
Yeah.

00:33:10.167 --> 00:33:14.127
And it's gotten easier not to be up there as often, like for as long

00:33:14.817 --> 00:33:18.127
stop winding Y bet.

00:33:18.127 --> 00:33:23.188
Oh, I don't mind ALA's tracking something outside.

00:33:23.218 --> 00:33:24.238
I think it's air.

00:33:24.627 --> 00:33:26.698
Uh, but she keeps butting through the curtains.

00:33:27.718 --> 00:33:30.298
No, they're, I love the animals.

00:33:30.298 --> 00:33:31.887
I'll take all the animals.

00:33:32.278 --> 00:33:35.278
You're, you're getting like prime animal time too.

00:33:35.278 --> 00:33:35.728
I am.

00:33:35.728 --> 00:33:36.387
I love it.

00:33:36.538 --> 00:33:36.928
Yeah.

00:33:36.928 --> 00:33:38.278
I'm all about it.

00:33:38.817 --> 00:33:40.198
Thank God for animals.

00:33:40.228 --> 00:33:40.917
Yes.

00:33:41.307 --> 00:33:43.347
That's a Oof.

00:33:43.738 --> 00:33:45.178
That was also very hard.

00:33:45.208 --> 00:33:51.897
'cause Marshall, my grandma thought that he was the biggest gentleman.

00:33:52.768 --> 00:33:53.938
I'm Marshall.

00:33:53.968 --> 00:33:57.208
Yeah, but you know what, with her, I love that.

00:33:57.387 --> 00:33:58.077
He was great.

00:33:58.137 --> 00:33:58.468
Yeah.

00:33:58.468 --> 00:33:59.577
He, he would come up.

00:33:59.637 --> 00:34:02.968
He knew he was so, since he was a puppy.

00:34:03.178 --> 00:34:03.357
Yeah.

00:34:03.363 --> 00:34:04.107
He was so good with her.

00:34:04.347 --> 00:34:07.228
She also gave him a million butter crackers.

00:34:09.088 --> 00:34:12.088
But he would come up and he just sit next to her.

00:34:12.088 --> 00:34:14.338
She could pet him, give him some treats.

00:34:14.427 --> 00:34:15.898
He give him, give him one little lick.

00:34:16.077 --> 00:34:17.458
He could just mellow with grandma.

00:34:17.788 --> 00:34:17.818
Oh.

00:34:17.818 --> 00:34:20.068
He's just the, he's just such a gentleman.

00:34:20.967 --> 00:34:21.507
Okay.

00:34:22.677 --> 00:34:27.418
So I had, I had brought him up with me'cause it was regular.

00:34:27.418 --> 00:34:29.097
I'd bring him up with me when I would Yeah.

00:34:29.128 --> 00:34:32.038
Come say hi to her for the night and see if she needed anything.

00:34:32.668 --> 00:34:36.387
So the first time I brought him up after she had passed.

00:34:36.478 --> 00:34:37.768
Oh, that was hard.

00:34:38.007 --> 00:34:38.188
Oh.

00:34:38.188 --> 00:34:43.887
Because he bad went in and he just stopped in the doorway.

00:34:44.097 --> 00:34:44.277
Yeah.

00:34:44.277 --> 00:34:47.188
And looked around like, because it was different.

00:34:47.188 --> 00:34:47.668
Where is she?

00:34:47.757 --> 00:34:48.217
Yeah, yeah.

00:34:48.387 --> 00:34:49.137
Where is she?

00:34:49.378 --> 00:34:49.617
Yeah.

00:34:49.737 --> 00:34:51.358
And he went to her chair.

00:34:52.572 --> 00:35:00.193
Then he went down the hall to like look where the bathroom in her bedroom was and he just seemed lost.

00:35:00.193 --> 00:35:00.672
Yeah.

00:35:01.213 --> 00:35:03.882
And I almost lost it.

00:35:03.943 --> 00:35:04.063
Yeah.

00:35:04.063 --> 00:35:05.592
Because it was just so sad.

00:35:05.682 --> 00:35:06.163
Yeah.

00:35:06.373 --> 00:35:09.913
Because he just knew something was different or that's how I perceived it.

00:35:09.913 --> 00:35:10.512
Mm-hmm.

00:35:10.902 --> 00:35:15.373
And then I ended up going to her chair'cause she had his butter crackers still there,

00:35:15.402 --> 00:35:16.393
just waiting for him.

00:35:16.572 --> 00:35:18.612
And so I gave him a couple crackers.

00:35:18.672 --> 00:35:19.003
Yeah.

00:35:19.092 --> 00:35:20.742
Which probably helps his grief.

00:35:21.282 --> 00:35:24.342
Of course everyone needs grief snacks,

00:35:24.402 --> 00:35:29.052
but, um, that's, you know, she touched everybody.

00:35:30.552 --> 00:35:30.913
Yeah.

00:35:31.063 --> 00:35:37.963
And, and animals know, I don't know that this one knows anything but animals know things.

00:35:38.052 --> 00:35:38.353
Yeah.

00:35:38.713 --> 00:35:40.182
They, they definitely notice.

00:35:40.393 --> 00:35:40.693
Yeah.

00:35:40.693 --> 00:35:49.782
When, so I, I surrendered Lily, my orange kid, um, last week and, um.

00:35:50.427 --> 00:35:57.987
It's the best decision because she definitely needed more medical care and treatment that I could give her.

00:35:58.438 --> 00:36:12.927
Um, but later that day, Nala came, she came running out of my bedroom, stopped, stared at me, and she's like, yelling, where is she?

00:36:12.927 --> 00:36:13.797
Where is the cat?

00:36:14.338 --> 00:36:14.427
Oh, no.

00:36:14.432 --> 00:36:18.177
And she keeps staring at me, and then she just runs back into the ba the bedroom.

00:36:18.177 --> 00:36:20.907
And I'm like, she, she is not here.

00:36:21.177 --> 00:36:30.688
But they, they, they definitely know when things are, are different and yeah, they, they sense the things.

00:36:31.077 --> 00:36:31.648
Oh yeah.

00:36:31.858 --> 00:36:34.197
Animals are, they're magical.

00:36:34.288 --> 00:36:34.557
Mm-hmm.

00:36:35.217 --> 00:36:35.818
They know.

00:36:35.938 --> 00:36:36.807
They definitely know.

00:36:36.958 --> 00:36:38.547
And there's energies.

00:36:38.608 --> 00:36:38.728
Mm-hmm.

00:36:39.148 --> 00:36:41.603
My husband would roll his eyes if he hears me saying that.

00:36:41.603 --> 00:36:42.043
No, it's real though.

00:36:42.222 --> 00:36:45.358
But there are, like, we give off energies.

00:36:45.358 --> 00:36:46.737
Mm-hmm.

00:36:46.739 --> 00:36:46.748
And.

00:36:47.322 --> 00:36:48.253
Animals feel it.

00:36:48.253 --> 00:36:49.242
Babies feel it.

00:36:49.273 --> 00:36:50.413
Oh, babies definitely feel it.

00:36:50.443 --> 00:36:59.472
You know, I, I truly believe, like some babies, they, you know, they're more likely to get fussy if you're holding them.

00:36:59.472 --> 00:36:59.623
Mm-hmm.

00:36:59.983 --> 00:37:01.273
And you're in a bad spot.

00:37:01.422 --> 00:37:02.262
Yeah, yeah.

00:37:02.322 --> 00:37:04.452
You know, I, I think they can feel that kind of stuff.

00:37:04.753 --> 00:37:05.382
Definitely.

00:37:05.893 --> 00:37:12.733
Um, my great grandmama passed the night I was born.

00:37:13.483 --> 00:37:13.572
Oh, wow.

00:37:13.572 --> 00:37:23.682
And so I never got to meet her, but when I was little, my, my grandma would tell me all the weird ways that I was like, my great-grandma.

00:37:23.893 --> 00:37:30.612
And she's like, she knew you and she told, she taught you some things in that brief time where you guys overlapped.

00:37:30.612 --> 00:37:32.293
And I'm like, it's so crazy.

00:37:32.293 --> 00:37:33.853
But it's so, it's so real.

00:37:33.853 --> 00:37:38.952
Like the energy transfer and reception.

00:37:39.583 --> 00:37:40.032
So real.

00:37:40.032 --> 00:37:40.092
Yeah.

00:37:40.152 --> 00:37:40.992
That's insane.

00:37:41.052 --> 00:37:41.353
Yeah.

00:37:42.193 --> 00:37:43.273
That's really crazy.

00:37:43.512 --> 00:37:44.652
When, um.

00:37:45.882 --> 00:37:47.202
My grandpa passed away.

00:37:47.713 --> 00:37:48.523
I was with him.

00:37:48.643 --> 00:37:53.983
I was holding his hand when he passed and I was born on his birthday.

00:37:54.733 --> 00:37:54.943
Yes.

00:37:55.003 --> 00:37:59.893
And I always heard how he was the first one that got to hold me.

00:38:01.092 --> 00:38:06.432
And so for me it was this full circle moment.

00:38:06.583 --> 00:38:08.592
I'm like, I'm the last one that got to hold him.

00:38:09.043 --> 00:38:09.552
Yeah.

00:38:09.612 --> 00:38:10.902
It's just a very

00:38:11.893 --> 00:38:12.163
Yeah.

00:38:12.193 --> 00:38:13.182
Very cyclical.

00:38:13.213 --> 00:38:13.722
Yeah.

00:38:14.052 --> 00:38:14.532
Yeah.

00:38:15.402 --> 00:38:19.063
Um, and I feel so fortunate mm-hmm.

00:38:19.452 --> 00:38:20.563
To have had that.

00:38:20.833 --> 00:38:21.313
Yeah.

00:38:21.492 --> 00:38:22.512
And grandma too.

00:38:22.512 --> 00:38:34.393
I, I was there when she passed and what a beautiful thing that she trusted me enough

00:38:34.452 --> 00:38:34.992
Yeah.

00:38:35.262 --> 00:38:37.242
To be there for her in that way.

00:38:37.603 --> 00:38:37.693
Yeah.

00:38:37.693 --> 00:38:41.378
That she had made it clear she didn't want others around.

00:38:41.637 --> 00:38:42.057
Mm-hmm.

00:38:42.757 --> 00:38:42.978
Um.

00:38:44.967 --> 00:38:53.637
She just wanted it to be me, which was a very kind to me.

00:38:53.788 --> 00:38:54.057
Yeah.

00:38:54.057 --> 00:38:54.987
A kind thing.

00:38:55.047 --> 00:38:55.588
I understand.

00:38:55.588 --> 00:38:56.938
Not everyone can do that.

00:38:57.057 --> 00:38:57.418
Yeah.

00:38:57.807 --> 00:39:03.358
Um, but I, I found it beautiful.

00:39:03.628 --> 00:39:18.177
Well, it, it, you know, people talk about closure, but having the opportunity to have that closure where you're like, I was with you for, for all of this time we were together.

00:39:18.327 --> 00:39:18.418
Mm-hmm.

00:39:18.657 --> 00:39:21.478
And I get to be there with you when you leave, like

00:39:21.777 --> 00:39:21.958
mm-hmm.

00:39:23.307 --> 00:39:24.358
That's pretty wonderful.

00:39:24.898 --> 00:39:26.757
She was so ready.

00:39:26.878 --> 00:39:27.297
Yeah.

00:39:27.358 --> 00:39:31.288
It makes it 10 times easier.

00:39:31.438 --> 00:39:31.527
Mm-hmm.

00:39:32.547 --> 00:39:35.188
If she hadn't been ready, if she was scared.

00:39:35.367 --> 00:39:35.728
Yeah.

00:39:36.242 --> 00:39:38.217
I, I would've felt awful.

00:39:38.217 --> 00:39:40.222
Um, it would've been hard.

00:39:40.222 --> 00:39:41.818
She was so ready to go.

00:39:42.088 --> 00:39:42.237
Yeah.

00:39:42.237 --> 00:39:43.257
So ready to go.

00:39:43.992 --> 00:39:46.753
She was the one who made the choice to leave the hospital.

00:39:47.322 --> 00:39:47.713
Yeah.

00:39:47.893 --> 00:39:50.682
She, I was just supporting her choice.

00:39:51.012 --> 00:39:53.262
She knew what it meant going home.

00:39:53.742 --> 00:39:56.532
She's the one who said the words, I just wanna go on hospice.

00:39:56.592 --> 00:39:56.983
Yeah.

00:39:58.333 --> 00:40:01.092
I, I mean, how much more clear could that be?

00:40:01.572 --> 00:40:02.172
Absolutely.

00:40:02.172 --> 00:40:15.463
Well, and, and the ability to see past your own wants and needs and your own, like impending grief to be like, this is what you want, this is what we're gonna do.

00:40:15.463 --> 00:40:15.552
Mm-hmm.

00:40:15.793 --> 00:40:19.842
I mean, that's, that's hard on its own because you're, she was ready.

00:40:19.932 --> 00:40:20.023
Mm-hmm.

00:40:20.532 --> 00:40:23.172
But doesn't mean we're ready to let them go.

00:40:24.163 --> 00:40:34.242
If I could have a TED Talk, I would try to tell other families, just be honest with what you want.

00:40:34.782 --> 00:40:38.172
Just make it so clear to family.

00:40:38.757 --> 00:40:43.858
What it is that you need or your priority is when you're in that state.

00:40:43.918 --> 00:40:44.157
Yeah.

00:40:44.998 --> 00:40:47.157
Even if it's way before you're in that state.

00:40:47.277 --> 00:40:47.608
Yeah.

00:40:47.637 --> 00:40:49.407
Because you never know when it's gonna happen.

00:40:49.737 --> 00:40:53.788
It's a little easier if you know it's coming.

00:40:53.998 --> 00:40:54.478
Right.

00:40:54.927 --> 00:40:59.577
But just be honest, we're all gonna go through it.

00:41:00.237 --> 00:41:00.538
Right.

00:41:00.597 --> 00:41:02.938
We don't talk about death and dying enough.

00:41:03.297 --> 00:41:03.688
Yeah.

00:41:03.688 --> 00:41:05.938
We're a society,

00:41:05.938 --> 00:41:05.998
we're all gonna go through it.

00:41:05.998 --> 00:41:06.007
Society.

00:41:06.057 --> 00:41:06.327
Yeah.

00:41:06.327 --> 00:41:08.217
It's like we are not immortal.

00:41:08.668 --> 00:41:14.128
I don't care if cryogenics advance a bajillion percent, I'm gonna get put in the ground.

00:41:14.547 --> 00:41:15.447
We're turned into a treat.

00:41:15.478 --> 00:41:16.347
I mean, there are options.

00:41:16.407 --> 00:41:16.557
Yes.

00:41:16.557 --> 00:41:22.947
But you know, like talking about what the options are and what and what you want the choice to be

00:41:23.097 --> 00:41:31.168
and, and make sure that you're telling the person in the family that's going to respect the wishes.

00:41:31.438 --> 00:41:32.217
Yes.

00:41:32.637 --> 00:41:34.467
Because there is a difference.

00:41:34.527 --> 00:41:34.978
Mm-hmm.

00:41:35.998 --> 00:41:36.268
Um.

00:41:37.228 --> 00:41:39.268
Because you can say what you want all day long when you're dead.

00:41:39.748 --> 00:41:39.987
Yeah.

00:41:39.987 --> 00:41:41.637
They may or may not respect that.

00:41:41.697 --> 00:41:42.088
Yeah.

00:41:42.688 --> 00:41:48.387
Um, but she, it made it so much easier.

00:41:48.447 --> 00:41:49.467
I just knew,

00:41:49.588 --> 00:41:49.887
yeah.

00:41:49.887 --> 00:41:52.588
I just knew this is what she wanted.

00:41:52.588 --> 00:41:57.927
She had very, some very specific things written down, like for the funeral, which made that so much easier.

00:41:57.987 --> 00:41:58.467
Yes.

00:41:58.978 --> 00:42:08.907
I, I don't personally feel it's fair to let loved ones figure it out.

00:42:09.327 --> 00:42:09.597
Yeah.

00:42:10.018 --> 00:42:10.347
Yeah.

00:42:10.557 --> 00:42:15.478
I don't, I think it's loving to make it clear Yeah.

00:42:15.538 --> 00:42:16.407
What your wishes are.

00:42:17.007 --> 00:42:19.168
If your wishes are, I really don't care.

00:42:20.427 --> 00:42:20.878
Okay.

00:42:21.538 --> 00:42:23.427
Then tell us you really don't care.

00:42:23.547 --> 00:42:25.768
At least you know, and you're not wondering.

00:42:25.947 --> 00:42:26.338
Yeah.

00:42:26.338 --> 00:42:26.347
Yeah.

00:42:26.818 --> 00:42:29.967
Just have the conversation.

00:42:30.387 --> 00:42:30.507
Mm-hmm.

00:42:30.958 --> 00:42:32.367
And make it clear.

00:42:32.757 --> 00:42:33.597
Whatever it's has

00:42:33.657 --> 00:42:44.967
has going through this with your grandpa and now your grandma, has that changed the way that you talk about what you want?

00:42:45.057 --> 00:42:51.148
Have you had some of those conversations or has it, has it changed the way you think about how you would have those conversations?

00:42:51.387 --> 00:42:55.197
I've always, I felt, been really open about

00:42:55.858 --> 00:42:56.128
Yeah.

00:42:56.757 --> 00:42:58.438
All of that since I was young.

00:42:59.248 --> 00:43:04.648
Um, so I don't know that it's changed any of that.

00:43:04.943 --> 00:43:09.297
I, I think the most has changed is now that I am older.

00:43:09.628 --> 00:43:12.237
I know we're not old, but you know what I mean?

00:43:12.237 --> 00:43:12.507
Yeah.

00:43:13.018 --> 00:43:15.478
We're starting to get to time Is fluid, does it

00:43:15.478 --> 00:43:16.378
mean anything?

00:43:16.378 --> 00:43:16.827
No.

00:43:16.827 --> 00:43:17.188
We're,

00:43:17.518 --> 00:43:25.737
we're all getting to a point where we've either already lost our grandparents or we're going to be

00:43:26.547 --> 00:43:26.757
Yeah.

00:43:27.478 --> 00:43:29.922
We potentially have lost aunts and uncles.

00:43:32.367 --> 00:43:34.288
It's possible we've lost a parent

00:43:34.407 --> 00:43:39.657
if we get to this age and we haven't had experienced some kind of a loss.

00:43:39.688 --> 00:43:39.958
Yeah.

00:43:40.347 --> 00:43:41.818
That is the anomaly.

00:43:41.878 --> 00:43:41.967
Mm-hmm.

00:43:42.208 --> 00:43:42.447
I think.

00:43:43.018 --> 00:43:46.108
But we're definitely getting to a point where it's starting to happen more.

00:43:46.168 --> 00:43:46.347
Yeah.

00:43:46.378 --> 00:43:46.648
Right.

00:43:46.708 --> 00:43:47.007
Yeah.

00:43:47.217 --> 00:43:50.967
I have a couple of very close friends that have lost parents.

00:43:50.967 --> 00:43:50.978
Mm-hmm.

00:43:51.003 --> 00:43:52.827
Like we, it's just the reality.

00:43:52.827 --> 00:43:55.228
We're getting to that point.

00:43:56.188 --> 00:44:04.588
Um, so I think I recognize it more now

00:44:04.737 --> 00:44:05.128
Yeah.

00:44:05.697 --> 00:44:14.637
Of listening to friends or acquaintances where nothing was planned.

00:44:14.788 --> 00:44:15.208
Yeah.

00:44:15.597 --> 00:44:17.608
They didn't know what to do.

00:44:17.697 --> 00:44:22.047
They were kind of making it up and you're trying to get through it.

00:44:22.527 --> 00:44:26.277
But that also to me doesn't help.

00:44:28.467 --> 00:44:29.458
Grieving process.

00:44:29.487 --> 00:44:29.847
Right.

00:44:29.847 --> 00:44:36.148
Because you have to come, you have to try to put your grief aside and your grief is so big and huge and raw mm-hmm.

00:44:36.447 --> 00:44:40.407
To make these seemingly arbitrary decisions.

00:44:41.038 --> 00:44:41.217
Yeah.

00:44:41.217 --> 00:44:44.577
And you're like, are you fucking kidding me right now?

00:44:44.922 --> 00:44:47.998
But would they, like, would they have liked that color of casket?

00:44:48.057 --> 00:44:48.447
Right.

00:44:48.777 --> 00:44:51.148
Would they have wanted that sermon to be said?

00:44:51.237 --> 00:44:51.478
Mm-hmm.

00:44:51.777 --> 00:44:54.177
Would they, I mean, truly.

00:44:54.177 --> 00:44:54.478
Yeah.

00:44:54.483 --> 00:44:54.503
Yeah.

00:44:54.538 --> 00:44:58.257
Depending on the kind of person that you are that could drive you nuts.

00:44:58.288 --> 00:44:58.588
Yeah.

00:44:59.217 --> 00:45:06.688
Or watching someone else make all the choices and you're over here super annoyed

00:45:06.867 --> 00:45:08.728
because you're like, that's not, that's not

00:45:08.728 --> 00:45:09.507
who they are.

00:45:09.538 --> 00:45:09.777
Yeah.

00:45:09.838 --> 00:45:11.217
That's not what it is.

00:45:11.277 --> 00:45:11.577
Right.

00:45:11.938 --> 00:45:15.568
So I do feel like just being loud and proud about it

00:45:15.688 --> 00:45:15.867
mm-hmm.

00:45:16.527 --> 00:45:20.608
When we, when my husband and I were going to Alaska.

00:45:21.838 --> 00:45:24.657
We actually wrote down a lot of stuff.

00:45:25.108 --> 00:45:26.967
'cause we were going on a bunch of bush planes.

00:45:26.998 --> 00:45:27.297
Yeah.

00:45:27.393 --> 00:45:29.068
And like bears.

00:45:29.253 --> 00:45:29.818
I didn't know.

00:45:29.878 --> 00:45:30.057
Yeah.

00:45:30.057 --> 00:45:31.077
Lots of, lots of bears.

00:45:31.077 --> 00:45:33.773
You know, the truth is though, the, the bear, it bears.

00:45:33.777 --> 00:45:35.487
Bears were not as scary as you'd think.

00:45:35.487 --> 00:45:38.338
But you, so I wanna B your snoot, but I'm not going to.

00:45:38.608 --> 00:45:38.938
No.

00:45:38.938 --> 00:45:39.657
My god bear.

00:45:40.797 --> 00:45:41.217
Definitely.

00:45:41.487 --> 00:45:42.387
But I understand what you're saying.

00:45:42.387 --> 00:45:42.447
Yeah.

00:45:42.447 --> 00:45:43.708
Like you are around a bunch of bears.

00:45:43.708 --> 00:45:44.128
That's true.

00:45:44.367 --> 00:45:46.498
But for me, a lot of it was like bush planes.

00:45:46.887 --> 00:45:47.217
Yeah.

00:45:47.277 --> 00:45:49.768
We were going on so many different planes.

00:45:50.757 --> 00:46:03.717
So we had written something out and I gave copies to my friends and I, I had it notarized and it was very much, this is what Matt wanted, this is what I wanted.

00:46:03.717 --> 00:46:03.777
Yeah.

00:46:03.987 --> 00:46:07.378
Here's what we do if, because we didn't really have anything.

00:46:07.378 --> 00:46:08.728
So it's not like we had a will.

00:46:08.847 --> 00:46:09.237
Right.

00:46:09.327 --> 00:46:14.668
But we wanted to make sure that our bodies were taken care of the way that we would want them taken care of.

00:46:14.668 --> 00:46:14.998
Right.

00:46:15.117 --> 00:46:15.237
Yeah.

00:46:15.237 --> 00:46:19.737
And there's just a piece of paper that when people are grieving.

00:46:20.112 --> 00:46:21.072
Or upset.

00:46:21.282 --> 00:46:21.373
Mm-hmm.

00:46:21.643 --> 00:46:26.623
You at least had this concrete thing written down direction Yep.

00:46:26.893 --> 00:46:30.253
That made it very clear, this is what we want.

00:46:30.583 --> 00:46:31.152
Yes.

00:46:32.833 --> 00:46:38.563
In the end, if someone doesn't wanna respect that, well then they have to live with the guilt of that.

00:46:38.623 --> 00:46:39.103
Exactly.

00:46:39.103 --> 00:46:40.092
The truth is, is I'm dead.

00:46:40.152 --> 00:46:40.543
Right.

00:46:40.543 --> 00:46:40.963
It's like, like,

00:46:41.322 --> 00:46:41.802
okay.

00:46:41.922 --> 00:46:43.932
No, and, and that's part of it.

00:46:43.932 --> 00:46:48.822
It's, it's making the plans, making arrangements ahead of time.

00:46:48.882 --> 00:46:55.242
It's not for you, it's for the people who are still here once you're not Yeah.

00:46:56.293 --> 00:46:57.103
Their roadmap.

00:46:57.253 --> 00:47:07.632
My, when my grandpa died, he, he was a horticulturalist, so horticulturalists, this one in particular wanted to be buried in the ground, uhhuh.

00:47:09.043 --> 00:47:11.503
Um, and he was cremated and wanted to be buried in the ground.

00:47:13.992 --> 00:47:16.722
Somewhere along the way, there was a miscommunication.

00:47:16.992 --> 00:47:20.713
And so at Willamette National Cemetery, they interred him in the wall.

00:47:21.253 --> 00:47:21.583
Oh no.

00:47:22.722 --> 00:47:28.393
And you don't put a horticulturalist who specifically requested the ground into stone.

00:47:28.932 --> 00:47:30.072
Oh, no.

00:47:30.072 --> 00:47:40.572
But because it was like Willamette National Cemetery, there were a bunch of additional steps so that my grandma had to go through, uh, even though it wasn't a mess up on the family end.

00:47:40.663 --> 00:47:40.992
Yeah.

00:47:41.623 --> 00:47:51.253
She had to get like permission from my uncle and my mom to have him moved and like all of the stuff and Yeah.

00:47:51.282 --> 00:47:53.628
Like, because the next of kin all had to agree.

00:47:53.628 --> 00:47:53.748
Yep.

00:47:53.748 --> 00:47:54.822
And they had to, they had to notarize.

00:47:54.822 --> 00:47:55.753
It was a whole thing.

00:47:55.753 --> 00:47:55.842
Oh no.

00:47:56.592 --> 00:47:57.012
Yeah.

00:47:57.822 --> 00:47:59.773
But, but we all knew.

00:48:00.313 --> 00:48:00.702
Yeah.

00:48:00.913 --> 00:48:04.032
That, oops, that's not the ground.

00:48:05.143 --> 00:48:05.413
Yeah.

00:48:05.833 --> 00:48:10.693
So now it's, I, it's when I'm gone to see'em, I'm like, glad you're, you're in the ground where you want it to be.

00:48:10.693 --> 00:48:11.322
This is good.

00:48:11.532 --> 00:48:11.713
Mm-hmm.

00:48:12.103 --> 00:48:12.583
This is good.

00:48:12.583 --> 00:48:13.782
That wall was not great.

00:48:14.112 --> 00:48:14.202
Mm-hmm.

00:48:14.443 --> 00:48:15.342
This is better for you.

00:48:16.242 --> 00:48:26.773
Well, and you know, with when grandpa passed away, so grandma and grandpa had, long before they'd chosen their caskets, they had, they knew where they were gonna be.

00:48:26.802 --> 00:48:28.603
Grandma made sure.

00:48:28.603 --> 00:48:36.853
So her parents are like the highest, you can go in, in a wall, in a mausoleum.

00:48:36.913 --> 00:48:37.693
They're at the very top.

00:48:37.753 --> 00:48:38.143
Okay.

00:48:39.612 --> 00:48:44.233
And she learned she didn't like that.

00:48:44.682 --> 00:48:44.952
Yeah.

00:48:45.132 --> 00:48:46.603
Because you couldn't touch it for her.

00:48:46.603 --> 00:48:48.733
It was like, oh, I can't, I can't touch it.

00:48:48.822 --> 00:48:49.182
Yeah.

00:48:49.543 --> 00:48:50.472
So that bugged her.

00:48:50.532 --> 00:48:50.802
Yeah.

00:48:51.103 --> 00:48:59.052
So when she was choosing for her and grandpa, I forget, it's called like the heart wall or, oh, okay.

00:48:59.112 --> 00:49:00.313
There's like a name to it.

00:49:00.373 --> 00:49:00.612
Okay.

00:49:00.733 --> 00:49:02.713
Because it's at a point where you could touch it.

00:49:03.297 --> 00:49:04.467
It's not on the ground.

00:49:04.498 --> 00:49:04.737
Yeah.

00:49:04.858 --> 00:49:06.387
It's not at the very bottom.

00:49:06.387 --> 00:49:07.498
It's not at the very top.

00:49:07.498 --> 00:49:07.588
Right.

00:49:07.588 --> 00:49:08.938
It kind of just in middle you can in, in the middle you can just reach

00:49:08.938 --> 00:49:09.762
out and it's there.

00:49:09.987 --> 00:49:10.347
Yeah.

00:49:10.347 --> 00:49:10.358
Yeah.

00:49:10.358 --> 00:49:10.483
Yeah.

00:49:11.068 --> 00:49:15.387
So that's why she chose that for her and grandpa so people could come and visit and

00:49:15.507 --> 00:49:15.898
Yeah.

00:49:15.958 --> 00:49:19.163
I guess feel what she didn't feel she had with her parents.

00:49:19.197 --> 00:49:19.257
Yeah.

00:49:21.237 --> 00:49:30.657
After grandpa passed away and was buried, as far as I am aware, she only ever went back once.

00:49:30.927 --> 00:49:31.228
Yeah.

00:49:31.887 --> 00:49:37.648
And when she went back she told me he's not there.

00:49:38.487 --> 00:49:38.757
Yeah.

00:49:39.597 --> 00:49:41.547
He's here at the house.

00:49:41.608 --> 00:49:42.027
Yeah.

00:49:42.268 --> 00:49:44.097
Because that's where they had their life together.

00:49:44.307 --> 00:49:44.637
Right.

00:49:46.197 --> 00:49:48.717
And she just never felt like she had to go back again.

00:49:49.018 --> 00:49:49.318
Yeah.

00:49:50.728 --> 00:49:51.987
Now not everybody feels that way.

00:49:52.077 --> 00:49:52.498
Right.

00:49:53.307 --> 00:49:56.367
But I think that just kind of shows it.

00:49:57.867 --> 00:49:59.637
It just depends on the person and

00:49:59.637 --> 00:50:00.088
Yeah.

00:50:00.268 --> 00:50:02.518
What they need or how they look at it.

00:50:02.523 --> 00:50:05.697
And, and it, she thought it was going to be so important to her.

00:50:05.728 --> 00:50:06.177
Yeah.

00:50:06.478 --> 00:50:06.838
Yeah.

00:50:06.898 --> 00:50:08.998
And for her personally, it's just not.

00:50:09.237 --> 00:50:09.717
Right.

00:50:10.197 --> 00:50:16.588
You know, there's a place my mom has said that she wants her ashes thrown.

00:50:16.708 --> 00:50:16.947
Yeah.

00:50:17.577 --> 00:50:22.677
So it's always been in my head that that's where she's going to be.

00:50:23.038 --> 00:50:23.307
Yeah.

00:50:24.777 --> 00:50:33.387
And a few years ago she said something about, oh, maybe I should get a headstone and so people can visit, blah, blah, blah.

00:50:33.447 --> 00:50:33.717
Yeah.

00:50:34.108 --> 00:50:35.697
I told her, IM like, well, you can do whatever you want.

00:50:35.697 --> 00:50:36.568
I'm never going there.

00:50:37.288 --> 00:50:37.498
Yeah.

00:50:37.498 --> 00:50:38.728
You're like, that's not where I'll find you.

00:50:38.753 --> 00:50:38.992
What?

00:50:39.358 --> 00:50:39.748
Yeah.

00:50:40.047 --> 00:50:41.277
It means nothing to me.

00:50:41.788 --> 00:50:49.257
This place that you've always said is significant to you and to me.

00:50:49.347 --> 00:50:50.637
And that's,

00:50:50.697 --> 00:50:51.628
that's where I'll go to look

00:50:51.628 --> 00:50:51.748
for you.

00:50:51.748 --> 00:50:52.588
That's where I would go.

00:50:52.648 --> 00:50:52.827
Yeah.

00:50:53.637 --> 00:50:54.987
You can still do whatever you want.

00:50:55.108 --> 00:50:57.177
I will honor whatever your wishes are.

00:50:57.297 --> 00:50:57.688
Yes.

00:50:57.688 --> 00:50:59.398
I myself will not be visiting there.

00:50:59.398 --> 00:50:59.458
I'll

00:50:59.458 --> 00:51:00.027
not be going there.

00:51:00.208 --> 00:51:01.887
Yeah, that's fine.

00:51:02.608 --> 00:51:12.327
Well, um, a family friend when they passed away, my, my folks are, my mom was the executor and he wanted his ashes spread in the backyard on the water.

00:51:13.318 --> 00:51:14.728
That's where he wanted to be.

00:51:14.728 --> 00:51:14.788
Yeah.

00:51:15.027 --> 00:51:19.617
And so we all got together and spread his ashes.

00:51:19.617 --> 00:51:24.628
And so that spot, whenever we go there, he, he's still there.

00:51:24.628 --> 00:51:25.768
Parts of him are still there.

00:51:26.128 --> 00:51:27.117
And so we think about that.

00:51:27.358 --> 00:51:27.717
Yeah.

00:51:28.137 --> 00:51:29.307
Because it's like, yeah.

00:51:29.338 --> 00:51:36.237
He didn't, he didn't wanna be buried, he didn't wanna be stuck somewhere, I think is what he said at one point.

00:51:36.807 --> 00:51:37.018
Mm-hmm.

00:51:37.527 --> 00:51:40.677
And so, Nope, he just got to float away in some water and just hang out at the house.

00:51:41.038 --> 00:51:41.818
So he is just there.

00:51:42.027 --> 00:51:43.588
He's like our just little happy ghost.

00:51:44.157 --> 00:51:44.458
Yeah.

00:51:44.577 --> 00:51:51.478
But I think that we find, we find people where we, where they are.

00:51:51.483 --> 00:51:51.643
Mm-hmm.

00:51:52.827 --> 00:51:54.507
Which isn't necessarily where they're buried.

00:51:56.068 --> 00:51:56.217
Well,

00:51:57.327 --> 00:51:57.777
yeah.

00:51:57.777 --> 00:52:01.498
And so it's probably why I find comfort being at the house Oh yeah.

00:52:01.498 --> 00:52:02.788
With grandma, you know, for grandma.

00:52:03.027 --> 00:52:03.268
Yeah.

00:52:03.297 --> 00:52:06.867
Um, and we have spots that we would go eat lunch.

00:52:06.867 --> 00:52:06.958
Mm-hmm.

00:52:07.197 --> 00:52:09.538
Or, you know, people watch right after a doctor's appointment.

00:52:09.538 --> 00:52:13.677
And so those kinds of things are also'cause it's memories, right?

00:52:13.677 --> 00:52:14.068
Yeah.

00:52:14.128 --> 00:52:15.987
It's what, it's what you leave behind.

00:52:15.987 --> 00:52:16.077
Right.

00:52:16.527 --> 00:52:21.958
Um, so that's, but everybody's different.

00:52:21.958 --> 00:52:23.038
And I think it's important.

00:52:23.038 --> 00:52:23.097
Yeah.

00:52:23.608 --> 00:52:25.378
I think it's so important.

00:52:25.378 --> 00:52:27.117
Just be honest.

00:52:27.117 --> 00:52:28.347
It's not silly.

00:52:28.467 --> 00:52:32.248
Just say, just say whatever it is.

00:52:32.338 --> 00:52:32.577
Yeah.

00:52:32.637 --> 00:52:36.297
You want, you need, if you need Abba

00:52:36.297 --> 00:52:39.387
to be playing Hey, at your funeral, do that.

00:52:39.418 --> 00:52:39.777
Yeah.

00:52:40.077 --> 00:52:40.708
Do that.

00:52:40.708 --> 00:52:42.597
We'll, I will, I will make sure it happens.

00:52:42.628 --> 00:52:43.137
Yes.

00:52:43.318 --> 00:52:48.657
I don't care how great or ridiculous it is.

00:52:48.717 --> 00:52:48.838
Yeah.

00:52:48.838 --> 00:52:51.177
Just if it's what you want.

00:52:51.987 --> 00:52:52.378
Fine.

00:52:52.378 --> 00:52:52.918
Make it happen.

00:52:53.007 --> 00:52:53.188
Yeah.

00:52:53.188 --> 00:52:53.487
It will

00:52:53.487 --> 00:52:53.818
happen.

00:52:53.818 --> 00:52:57.688
I wrote in, in the paper that we had put together.

00:52:57.777 --> 00:52:58.018
Yeah.

00:52:58.077 --> 00:53:00.688
I spelled it out so clear.

00:53:01.018 --> 00:53:08.068
Do not spend a bunch of money on anything for me.

00:53:08.248 --> 00:53:13.498
Make it the, make it whatever is legally allowed.

00:53:13.527 --> 00:53:14.007
Yes.

00:53:14.007 --> 00:53:17.547
That is the simplest thing possible.

00:53:17.577 --> 00:53:17.967
Yep.

00:53:18.297 --> 00:53:19.438
I wanna be cremated.

00:53:19.827 --> 00:53:24.927
So if, if you can just put me in a coffee can and not buy a funny urn.

00:53:25.077 --> 00:53:25.527
Right.

00:53:25.648 --> 00:53:26.128
Great.

00:53:26.338 --> 00:53:26.577
Right.

00:53:26.577 --> 00:53:29.788
If that's legal, do you want them sprinkle you places, you know?

00:53:30.057 --> 00:53:37.333
Well, and me being me, I had specific people who have like, you can take a little bit of me and take me on a trip and then you can Yes.

00:53:37.463 --> 00:53:37.813
Uhhuh.

00:53:37.813 --> 00:53:40.617
And I know some of you're gonna find that really gross and I think it's funny.

00:53:40.813 --> 00:53:42.092
I so love it.

00:53:43.233 --> 00:53:45.327
You're like, I still get to go on adventure.

00:53:45.387 --> 00:53:45.748
Yes,

00:53:45.748 --> 00:53:46.318
exactly.

00:53:46.588 --> 00:53:48.838
My, my husband jokes that, um.

00:53:49.557 --> 00:53:56.188
When you pass away, you know, I'll make sure to take your ashes and go here and, and then he stops and says, you're gonna be pissed off.

00:53:56.217 --> 00:53:58.047
'cause I didn't take you while you were alive, aren't you?

00:53:58.137 --> 00:54:00.163
I'm like, yeah, yeah.

00:54:00.628 --> 00:54:03.507
That kinda, what the hell man?

00:54:03.568 --> 00:54:04.228
Yeah, right.

00:54:04.347 --> 00:54:06.568
Like, uh, add that to the itinerary.

00:54:07.677 --> 00:54:08.262
Oh, that's funny.

00:54:08.262 --> 00:54:11.547
You mean you had the time and money we could have gone while I was still here.

00:54:12.538 --> 00:54:12.838
What?

00:54:13.617 --> 00:54:13.827
Yes.

00:54:13.833 --> 00:54:14.043
Well that

00:54:14.043 --> 00:54:20.487
goes, that goes back to what you said your grandma said to you, you know, don't be 82 lying in bed wishing you'd gone.

00:54:20.547 --> 00:54:20.938
Yeah.

00:54:22.288 --> 00:54:22.648
Yeah.

00:54:23.307 --> 00:54:24.987
There's a lot of truth to that.

00:54:25.438 --> 00:54:32.483
One of the cool things going through her stuff was I found these trips from when she was young.

00:54:32.483 --> 00:54:32.882
Mm-hmm.

00:54:32.963 --> 00:54:39.027
She was still living at home and they, some of them were places I had been.

00:54:39.568 --> 00:54:40.077
Oh.

00:54:40.108 --> 00:54:42.717
And like there was stuff in, uh, New Mexico.

00:54:42.717 --> 00:54:42.807
Mm-hmm.

00:54:43.108 --> 00:54:46.677
They had gone Carlsbad and there was, um.

00:54:47.532 --> 00:54:51.282
The North Rim of the Grand Canyon, which is harder to get to.

00:54:52.092 --> 00:55:03.643
And she has this photo at a spot, it's called, oh, it's not Angel's Rest that, that's a different perk, but it's called like Angel's Window.

00:55:04.242 --> 00:55:10.393
And you have to go up on this high peak and you can see it when you're not on it and can be like, oh my gosh, it's right there.

00:55:11.052 --> 00:55:13.813
And she had, so there's a photo and she had written above it.

00:55:13.842 --> 00:55:19.182
I was right here and I have a photo almost exactly like it.

00:55:20.382 --> 00:55:21.253
It's just, oh, I

00:55:21.253 --> 00:55:21.762
got chills,

00:55:21.762 --> 00:55:22.722
trippy.

00:55:22.813 --> 00:55:24.043
That's so, so

00:55:24.612 --> 00:55:24.753
that's so neat.

00:55:24.822 --> 00:55:30.913
Just to kind see since she's been gone, ways that were alike.

00:55:31.123 --> 00:55:31.603
Yeah.

00:55:32.262 --> 00:55:45.467
Um, and realize, even realizing even more, finding some letters and just finding little things that have made me know more about her, even more so than I had.

00:55:47.592 --> 00:55:53.353
Where I can understand why she'd get excited

00:55:53.742 --> 00:55:54.103
Yeah.

00:55:54.702 --> 00:55:56.143
For me doing things.

00:55:56.443 --> 00:55:56.773
Yeah.

00:55:57.222 --> 00:55:57.733
Um, so

00:55:57.733 --> 00:55:59.143
the history you didn't know.

00:55:59.262 --> 00:55:59.922
Yeah.

00:56:00.492 --> 00:56:04.512
Which also tends to bum me out a little.

00:56:04.572 --> 00:56:04.992
Yeah.

00:56:05.052 --> 00:56:05.952
Because I can't ask her.

00:56:05.952 --> 00:56:06.163
Right.

00:56:06.163 --> 00:56:08.713
You're like, why couldn't you have told me this when it happened?

00:56:08.773 --> 00:56:09.733
Exactly.

00:56:09.762 --> 00:56:10.032
Yeah.

00:56:10.152 --> 00:56:13.422
Like, and it wasn't, the information wasn't even that far away.

00:56:13.422 --> 00:56:15.163
I just wasn't going through her things.

00:56:15.253 --> 00:56:15.882
Yeah, right.

00:56:15.882 --> 00:56:17.262
You're like, privacy, what?

00:56:17.472 --> 00:56:18.103
Yeah.

00:56:18.103 --> 00:56:22.032
So now I'm going through things and there is this part of me that's like, dammit.

00:56:22.452 --> 00:56:22.813
Yeah.

00:56:23.052 --> 00:56:29.233
I knew I had been saying to her for years, oh, can we go through a room together?

00:56:29.233 --> 00:56:29.293
Yeah.

00:56:29.322 --> 00:56:33.762
So I know what's here and, oh, there's so many mysteries in this house.

00:56:34.393 --> 00:56:37.032
You're like, Hey, grandma wanna solve some of those mysteries.

00:56:37.032 --> 00:56:37.422
Right.

00:56:37.422 --> 00:56:43.992
And I just think that she probably, you know, if she's floating around, she's laughing, she's cracking

00:56:43.992 --> 00:56:44.262
up.

00:56:44.967 --> 00:56:45.898
He's like, oh, I wondered.

00:56:45.898 --> 00:56:47.003
You'll never know.

00:56:47.398 --> 00:56:49.077
I wondered when you would find that.

00:56:49.228 --> 00:56:49.557
Yeah.

00:56:49.708 --> 00:56:50.367
Oh my gosh.

00:56:50.427 --> 00:56:51.927
So there are things and

00:56:52.197 --> 00:56:52.588
yeah,

00:56:53.487 --> 00:56:59.157
it's, but I also know her well enough to be like, oh, well this is probably how she wanted it.

00:56:59.608 --> 00:57:00.237
Yes.

00:57:00.447 --> 00:57:03.597
Sounds like she was the kind of lady who would want a little mystery.

00:57:04.197 --> 00:57:04.527
Yeah.

00:57:04.588 --> 00:57:05.487
It's not your business.

00:57:05.847 --> 00:57:06.088
Yeah.

00:57:07.063 --> 00:57:07.353
Okay.

00:57:08.458 --> 00:57:08.547
It's

00:57:08.547 --> 00:57:08.938
not my

00:57:08.938 --> 00:57:10.168
business, not my business.

00:57:10.168 --> 00:57:13.918
I have all of this random paraphernalia from this, not my business.

00:57:13.918 --> 00:57:13.947
Uhhuh.

00:57:14.577 --> 00:57:14.818
Yep.

00:57:14.938 --> 00:57:15.327
Pretty much.

00:57:15.327 --> 00:57:15.838
Thanks, grandma.

00:57:15.867 --> 00:57:17.307
That would be the name of her podcast.

00:57:18.387 --> 00:57:18.507
It's

00:57:18.507 --> 00:57:18.688
not

00:57:18.688 --> 00:57:19.918
your business Paraphernalia.

00:57:20.007 --> 00:57:20.728
Not my business.

00:57:21.117 --> 00:57:21.387
Love it.

00:57:22.858 --> 00:57:23.697
Oh my gosh.

00:57:23.757 --> 00:57:24.807
That's a good name for a podcast.

00:57:25.347 --> 00:57:25.737
Yeah.

00:57:26.277 --> 00:57:26.668
Yeah.

00:57:27.088 --> 00:57:28.273
You could make another one.

00:57:28.693 --> 00:57:28.913
Oh,

00:57:29.552 --> 00:57:29.793
I know.

00:57:30.853 --> 00:57:32.697
I'm like, what podcast is enough?

00:57:33.237 --> 00:57:34.617
One podcast is enough.

00:57:35.338 --> 00:57:38.277
Well, thank you for chatting about your grandma.

00:57:38.398 --> 00:57:38.938
Yeah.

00:57:39.507 --> 00:57:42.568
Is any any parting wisdom you would like to share?

00:57:46.347 --> 00:57:48.027
Oh, I don't know.

00:57:48.177 --> 00:57:58.737
Just the elderly are not old.

00:58:00.447 --> 00:58:01.288
Does that make sense?

00:58:01.288 --> 00:58:02.458
Absolutely, it does.

00:58:02.818 --> 00:58:03.422
Like they're just, just

00:58:03.427 --> 00:58:05.547
because our bodies are, doesn't mean the rest of us is.

00:58:05.728 --> 00:58:10.378
No, she was, she specifically was 20 years old.

00:58:10.677 --> 00:58:10.918
Yeah.

00:58:11.728 --> 00:58:13.527
She just looked in the mirror and would go, what the hell?

00:58:14.128 --> 00:58:14.878
She would say that.

00:58:14.907 --> 00:58:15.237
Yeah.

00:58:15.628 --> 00:58:17.128
She'd be like, you know, I think I'm 20.

00:58:17.128 --> 00:58:20.697
And then I look in the mirror and go, ah, what happens?

00:58:20.938 --> 00:58:21.717
What happens?

00:58:22.137 --> 00:58:38.547
But there I was around a lot of older people because I was helping her with appointments and doing different things and, and going through the stuff since she's passed away where it's really been in my face about what she was like when she was younger.

00:58:38.547 --> 00:58:38.608
Yeah.

00:58:38.608 --> 00:58:39.688
Because I'm going through all this

00:58:39.688 --> 00:58:40.047
stuff.

00:58:40.753 --> 00:58:41.983
Because you only know

00:58:42.853 --> 00:58:43.123
Yeah.

00:58:43.123 --> 00:58:43.603
This version

00:58:43.603 --> 00:58:43.992
of her.

00:58:44.052 --> 00:58:44.382
Yeah.

00:58:44.382 --> 00:58:45.612
I've heard stories.

00:58:45.643 --> 00:58:46.152
Right.

00:58:46.512 --> 00:58:53.382
But to really see it's the elderly are not old.

00:58:53.592 --> 00:58:54.552
They're in there.

00:58:54.643 --> 00:58:54.913
Yeah.

00:58:54.972 --> 00:58:58.632
And they tend to be discarded more than they should be.

00:59:00.612 --> 00:59:00.822
Yeah.

00:59:01.302 --> 00:59:01.722
Definitely.

00:59:02.083 --> 00:59:02.262
Yeah.

00:59:03.043 --> 00:59:03.163
Well,

00:59:03.197 --> 00:59:03.838
thank you y

00:59:04.327 --> 00:59:04.677
Thank

00:59:04.677 --> 00:59:04.757
you.

00:59:04.963 --> 00:59:06.523
I'm glad we got to chat.

00:59:06.552 --> 00:59:06.702
Yay.

00:59:07.452 --> 00:59:10.512
And if you wanna come back and chat more, we'll have to make that happen.

00:59:10.632 --> 00:59:11.353
Oh, I'm sure.

00:59:11.443 --> 00:59:12.762
But once I move,

00:59:13.512 --> 00:59:14.202
I think that's fair.

00:59:14.202 --> 00:59:15.373
I'll get to see your new place.

00:59:15.373 --> 00:59:15.583
You can see,

00:59:16.242 --> 00:59:18.463
and you're the last new person.

00:59:18.552 --> 00:59:19.393
Hey, to get

00:59:19.393 --> 00:59:21.193
to see the old place.

00:59:21.222 --> 00:59:22.182
Isn't that crazy?

00:59:22.483 --> 00:59:24.913
It's, I'm still trying to wrap my head around that.

00:59:24.913 --> 00:59:28.768
Like, since I said that to you earlier, I was like, oh, it's so weird.

00:59:29.083 --> 00:59:30.193
It's a new chapter.

00:59:30.253 --> 00:59:31.543
It's a new chapter.

00:59:31.543 --> 00:59:34.032
We are old enough to have chapters.

00:59:34.063 --> 00:59:34.333
We're

00:59:34.333 --> 00:59:35.208
old enough to have like.

00:59:37.737 --> 00:59:40.527
We could have like part one God and part two.

00:59:40.677 --> 00:59:43.018
We could have an abridged version

00:59:43.467 --> 00:59:43.498
Uhhuh

00:59:44.128 --> 00:59:46.827
and then an unabridged one because extra books are big.

00:59:46.978 --> 00:59:49.168
There's so there's, Matt would disagree.

00:59:50.967 --> 00:59:52.797
There's so much wisdom in this room.

00:59:53.998 --> 00:59:54.237
Oh my God.

00:59:54.237 --> 00:59:57.273
There are also some really entertaining, nerdy stories.

00:59:57.478 --> 00:59:58.737
Oh my Lord.

00:59:58.737 --> 00:59:59.608
Yeah.

00:59:59.668 --> 01:00:00.057
Yeah.

01:00:00.327 --> 01:00:01.827
Like Survivor Monopoly.

01:00:02.487 --> 01:00:06.117
That was a long, do you remember that survivor monopoly?

01:00:06.418 --> 01:00:08.608
We went to the beach speech Kids.

01:00:08.608 --> 01:00:09.688
We all went to the beach.

01:00:11.038 --> 01:00:11.068
Oh.

01:00:11.068 --> 01:00:17.907
And we played Monopoly for the whole weekend and we, people were carrying around their money and their properties in their wallets.

01:00:19.947 --> 01:00:21.958
It was, I hate Monopoly.

01:00:22.318 --> 01:00:23.338
That's probably why.

01:00:24.777 --> 01:00:26.398
What a, what a time to be alive.

01:00:27.117 --> 01:00:28.047
Oh God.

01:00:28.137 --> 01:00:28.617
Yeah.

01:00:29.338 --> 01:00:30.628
Oh, well, I'm proud of you.

01:00:31.318 --> 01:00:32.487
I'm proud of you.

01:00:32.847 --> 01:00:33.057
Yeah.

01:00:33.657 --> 01:00:34.498
Thanks for chatting.

01:00:34.947 --> 01:00:35.608
Absolutely.

01:00:36.208 --> 01:00:36.657
Yay.

01:00:40.878 --> 01:00:49.518
So with that, the cats and I are gonna go aila, uh, you know, ceased being sociable, disappeared.

01:00:49.818 --> 01:00:58.128
I will let you all know that as soon as Yvette left and I came back in the house, they were all sitting in summoning triangle.

01:00:58.128 --> 01:00:59.777
So all was right with the world.

01:01:00.228 --> 01:01:00.947
Um.

01:01:01.023 --> 01:01:04.833
I hope you guys enjoyed listening to our chat.

01:01:05.163 --> 01:01:09.422
If you are not already doing so, please like, share and subscribe.

01:01:09.873 --> 01:01:11.793
Uh, wherever you listen to your podcast.

01:01:11.822 --> 01:01:13.983
Do that for all the podcasts you listen to.

01:01:13.983 --> 01:01:16.322
It makes a big difference for us.

01:01:16.322 --> 01:01:20.072
And I squeal with glee every time I read a new review, so thank you.

01:01:20.523 --> 01:01:24.333
Um, we're on the social medias at, sorry.

01:01:24.333 --> 01:01:25.503
That's my inside voice.

01:01:26.333 --> 01:01:29.992
And we will be back soon with our next episode.

01:01:30.353 --> 01:01:31.132
Thanks everybody.

01:01:31.313 --> 01:01:31.972
Talk to y'all soon.