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Drag Royalty 2: Moving, Healing, and Finding Home in Montana
Drag Royalty 2: Moving, Healing, and Finding Home in Montana
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Season 3

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In this episode, Kat and returning guest, Evelyn Garcia, discuss Evelyn’s journey of moving from Oregon to Montana and the personal growth, challenges, and discoveries that came with it. Evelyn shares her experiences adjusting to a new state, finding community, navigating career changes, and embracing her identity in unfamiliar surroundings. The conversation explores themes of resilience, self-discovery, and the importance of supportive relationships during major life transitions. 


Photography by Mary Williams - photography.by.mary.williams (Instagram)

Dorothy's Dolls - dorothysdollshelena (Instagram)

WEBVTT

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Greetings and salutations.

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Welcome to, sorry.

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That's my inside voice.

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I'm your host Ka Garcia, and in today's episode we're talking about interstate moves and finding community in new places.

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With my friend and returning podcast guest, Evelyn Garcia, we get to talk about Evelyn's move from Oregon to Montana and her pending move from Montana to Washington.

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It's fun to go on adventures, and we get to hear all about some of Evelyn's most recent ones in this episode.

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Have fun listening.

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Hi friend.

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How are you?

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Hi.

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I am good.

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Let's see.

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So the last time when I saw you shared the episode today, but it's been a while since we've recorded right.

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It has actually.

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I was like hot damn.

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Well there's that whole, I decided to like become a hermit for a little while and go, yeah, I'm gonna totally record all the time.

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And then, you know, didn't

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it lined up?

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Holy shit.

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July 30th, 2023 is the last time we recorded.

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Oh yeah.

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'cause I moved to Montana end of August.

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Yeah, 25th.

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So we just like to record right before or right at like right around when you relocate your life.

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Yep.

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So we're on par for like two years from now.

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We'll record again,

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which is gonna be a very interesting time too.

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Yeah.

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So tell me what, what is, what is, so you, you moved from Oregon to Montana, right?

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Right.

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And I lived in Oregon.

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All like 31 years of my life before moving to Montana.

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So I got to celebrate like my first birthday out of state, and that was.

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You know, the beginning of money first.

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Um, in terms of like being in a new state, like everything was a first for me, like finding a new library and post office and grocery store, because those are the three most important things to me.

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They're very important things.

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Definitely.

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What was, what do you wanna talk about?

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What was like the.

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The impetus for moving?

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Was it just ready for a change or,

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um, I think it was like a twofold, so I, you know, I'm still with the same partner that I was from the original recording of this.

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Um, and we just were trying to figure out where life was in.

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I don't know if you are familiar with like, you know, people grow in discomfort and generally that's like a good sign that you need to, you've outgrown that space.

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Yes.

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So like.

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Professionally, I was, I was kind, I felt like I was struggling in my workplace, and I was like, well, I need a change.

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And coincidentally, my partner was like, well, I also need a change.

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He had opportunity to move outta state and go to school.

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And he had a shift in career completely.

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So he decided to pursue nursing.

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And the entire time of all of our, our relationship, it, you know, I've always described it as very secure.

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I'm not, forced by any means to do anything he wants.

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And so I have that power of choice and he told me, I am moving to Montana.

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I would love it if you came with me, however, I'm not forcing you.

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And I was like, yeah, let's do it.

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That's what a great partner and like just understanding that independence is important, but so is communication.

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Like that's huge.

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And it, it, it taught me a lot because in Oregon everything was safe.

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I had my friends, I had my community, I had my people I can go to.

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And then, um, moving to Montana, I, I felt like I lost that.

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Like I grieved all of those people because I didn't have them readily.

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And, um, it was a huge, huge.

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Growing point for me where I had to learn to make friends all over again.

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And you know, I'm moving from a state that, you know, maybe I had rose tinted glasses or rainbow tinted glasses.

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Like I saw my community, my queer people everywhere.

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Going to a state where I'm like, I know no one, I dunno how safe it is to be out.

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I dunno how safe it is to be a queer like person of color.

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Yeah.

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And I, I was nervous and, you know, my partner and I had a huge discussion as to like what was gonna be safe for me and how I could continue finding these spaces that, um, before we moved, he kind of started before me.

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So he came at the tail end of, um, Montana Pride for the town that we lived in.

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And he, you know, came back to Oregon to pick me up so we can load the moving truck.

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And he gave me, uh, like a brochure and it was like all the queer friendly places that I could go to.

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I fucking love that.

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He is a rock star.

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I love that.

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So hard for you.

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And you know, he's like, I found this.

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I did not go to these spaces for you, but just know that these are what the town considers to be safe spaces for you.

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And I had, um.

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Ventured into doing like poll for, for just another form of self-expression.

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Yeah.

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And he's like, there's a pole studio in town if you wanna check it out.

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And that honestly was like the big turning point for me.

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I found this dance studio that not only offered poll, um, but the studio owner had what's called, uh, circus insurance.

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Oh.

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So not only did this studio do pole, but it also did lira and it also did silks.

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I, I dated somebody many, many moons ago whose sibling did the silk aerial stuff.

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Yep.

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And I was like, this is so cool.

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I'm like, I can barely walk in a straight line without running into the air.

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So I'm like, I myself will not be joining, but I will appreciate watching the people who do.

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And that's honestly what happened.

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Like I.

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I didn't, I came to Montana not knowing a single person.

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I also came without a job.

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I don't think I realized that.

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I don't think I realized that.

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How was that change for you?

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Like It was hard.

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Oh my gosh.

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That would be scary too.

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Like, holy fuck.

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I left my last job feeling very.

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Beaten down and very, um, unsure of my skills.

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I used to feel very confident that I'm personable.

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I can, you know, gain new skills.

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And I left that job going.

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People don't like me.

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I'm not likable, therefore, I don't have skills to learn.

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And it, it was very hard for me to get out of that.

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And I was.

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I was struggling with myself at the beginning.

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Um, and my partner's like, you know, you have these skills, like don't settle for, you know, a coffee shop, as just a job to get you by, like, go find something and throw your hat in these spaces where you find joy, which landed me in child welfare.

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Yes.

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And that has been, that has been an interesting transition for you, I would imagine.

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'cause you were doing like.

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Behavioral healthy, like social service related things before, but not in the

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nonprofit sector.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So I, it was a huge shift I was doing, in the last line of work that I did, it was called, child welfare deflection.

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So we did all the preventative work.

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Okay.

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Whereas I took a shift and now I'm working with families, so I got pulled into child welfare systems.

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And that was tricky.

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It validated me and also invalidated a lot of feelings where I didn't feel I was good enough to work in child welfare in Oregon, and I immediately got the job.

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I technically got two different offers in Montana.

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That's amazing.

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It was great, but I was like, is it because I'm brown and I'm fitting a quota?

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Or do I have the skills right?

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And then now as you're,'cause you're leaving that role and you're moving again.

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Do you feel, you're just like, you're, the up and going, I love it.

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But do you feel like, do you feel different about it now that they did hire you because of your skills, not just because you're brown?

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Yes, I, so I noticed that I am very personable and I do work with folks in a like nonviolent communication type way.

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Where.

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Unfortunately, like the stigma with child welfare and a lot of folks not liking our involvement I had to, you know, meet people where they're at in the old line of work thinking, where I was like, it sucks, but we're involved now and you have to dig yourself out and here are the skills and the resources that are available.

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All you have to do is take it right.

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I am not judging you, I'm walking alongside you.

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And um, you know, I was very fortunate in the almost two years of working there, um, most of my cases ended with the parents getting back with their children.

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So reunification.

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That's awesome.

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And I had a few of my cases go into guardianship.

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So even if the parents weren't successful, the kids still had a safe place to go to.

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Very cool.

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And that's, I mean, that's the side I think of child welfare that isn't, isn't what we hear about, you know?

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Yeah.

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It's, it's all the, oh, you know, it's neglect, it's mm-hmm.

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Detrimental and, and all of those things.

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So to get to hear that side of it and get to like witness that through, through following along with your journey has been really cool.

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Um.

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Because also being social services adjacent.

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Mm-hmm.

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You know, we all kind of go, what are you doing?

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How's, how's that working?

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Oh, okay, okay.

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You know, that kind of stuff.

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And I think what was really nice for me, for a lot of my families, I mean they, our first meeting is like cursing at me and mm-hmm.

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You know, you guys are the worst people.

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And I was like, whoa, I'm not the enemy.

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Even though right now, in the moment I feel like I am to you.

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Um, like I, I got to share my 2 cents.

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When I was, um, 14, my mom took in six brothers and sisters that I always knew as cousins, um, in our home.

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Came to find out many moons later were not related at all.

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Oh wow.

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So we were what's considered a kinship placement, and I got to see, um, the good and the bad and the ugly of that entire case.

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You know, mom was not successful.

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There was a lot more, um, like legal issues that I didn't know about.

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Didn't understand about that.

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Um, the upper four siblings aged out of care and they had to learn how to parent themselves because they they had their own internal struggle of what parenting and growing up in a healthy environment looked like.

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And so, you know, back in my youth, I was like, if I ever have the opportunity To help, I'm gonna do it.

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Right.

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I didn't realize it would look like this.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I think, I think for, for a lot of us who end up in helping professions, it's something happened or.

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We experienced something as kids or, or we, we watched something happen to people we know and we're like, oh, well we want, we want to help make things better, or we we would've done it differently, so let's change it.

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That kind of perspective.

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Absolutely.

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Do you feel like you got to kind of fulfill baby Evelyn's, hope that in some ways?

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You know, I think I did, um, my impact was like the conversations I had with my families as I was leaving.

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I, you know, a lot of my families within the first six months, they're going through the, like, the stages of grief and the acceptance at the very end of like, why we're involved.

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And I, I had a, another job where I felt like I was a.

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A Hope dealer.

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There's, there's an organization in Oregon called Hope Dealers.

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But, um, I would tell parents, like, you have the capacity truly to get out of it, and it really starts with you.

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And, um, I tried to come from like a compassionate lens with families, and if they weren't getting it, then it got, I got nasty.

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I met with them at their low point and they're like, you've.

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Can't talk to me like that.

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I'm like, well, you can't talk to me like that, so let's change it.

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And towards the end of my, my time with the department, I was telling my families like, I'm leaving, but your work is not done.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And the kids, I, my heart is with the kids, you know, people forget that Trauma ages someone.

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Oh, a hundred percent.

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So I had, you know, five-year-olds that, you know, experience some pretty scarring stuff and they talk about it like it's just, you know, an afterschool project.

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They're able to discuss, you know, very heavy themes like nothing.

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Yeah.

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And then I'm having to go to the school like, hi, sorry.

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This kid has experienced a lot of trauma.

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It's just a, a, you know, a cup of a tea for all of us.

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It's, it's not normal.

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It's not.

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And I had teenagers, you know, struggling with substance use to cope with some of these big emotions.

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And, you know, at the end of it, I helped be part of that journey for them to establish a, a trend of sobriety.

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And at the very end.

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I got to tell four of my teenagers that I was leaving, and all of them, you know, of all gender expressions, they, they told me that I made a difference and I was like, oh, that's a win.

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I have done something good in this world because they see it and they get it.

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And you know, they're under 18 right now.

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They get to change a lot of their outlook in life, and I hope that they don't fall victims of the system if they don't have the right supports.

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That's amazing, Evelyn, you are making a difference every day.

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And to get to see the tangible evidence of that.

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It's so affirming, right.

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When you, you get to see like the journey they've been on and the progress and you're like, you did that.

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I was here with you.

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But you did the work.

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But you did the work.

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Exactly.

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And you know, I, I try to.

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Keep my, my kids and my family's, identities pretty private, especially because not even many people knew the exact town that I was living in, but I, you know, I talked about my teenager, my Texas teenager getting guardianship.

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I talked about my Utah teenager flying on a plane for the first time.

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Like these were huge moments for them that they might not have had this opportunity.

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And I see it as an opportunity because otherwise.

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Their impact in life would've been worse.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And sometimes it, it's a whole group of people working behind the scenes and sometimes they respond to one of those people and you got to be that person for them and that's really awesome.

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Absolutely.

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And I think, you know, I do have.

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A couple cases that parents aren't on track to get their kids back.

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And I have seen these colleagues of mine like bend over backwards and build bridges for these parents and they choose to go the other way.

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And we just have to kind of remember that we're doing it for the kids and a lot of.

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That bonding that we're creating for the parent child is also a luxury.

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Yeah.

00:15:56.815 --> 00:15:59.605
We don't have to do any of these things, but we do see the value.

00:15:59.605 --> 00:16:03.595
And some parents, uh, just don't have the capacity.

00:16:03.595 --> 00:16:14.815
And I think that's what Montana highlighted for me is that I came, I came to Montana and realized that we are set back like 10 years.

00:16:15.774 --> 00:16:16.075
Oh, wow.

00:16:16.075 --> 00:16:18.414
We don't have, we don't have the resources here.

00:16:18.654 --> 00:16:19.195
We keep.

00:16:20.049 --> 00:16:26.620
If you look at the statistics on like, Montanans, like the, the leading cause of death here are like drunk drivers.

00:16:27.580 --> 00:16:38.600
And I remember that that is what people do to socialize not everyone, but it's a huge generalization that folks do tend to to drink and that is how they socialize.

00:16:38.600 --> 00:16:44.299
And there was a few folks that are like, well, you're not Montana drunk if you don't go home driving right now.

00:16:44.299 --> 00:16:44.690
I'm like, ha.

00:16:45.904 --> 00:16:47.195
I've had half a drink, sir.

00:16:47.195 --> 00:16:49.745
I'm not, I'm not planning on drinking beyond this point.

00:16:51.514 --> 00:16:52.774
You're like, Montana drunk.

00:16:52.804 --> 00:16:53.375
I'm okay.

00:16:53.375 --> 00:16:56.134
That's something I don't need to experience whilst I'm here.

00:16:56.134 --> 00:16:57.215
Thank you very much.

00:16:57.554 --> 00:16:58.424
Exactly.

00:16:58.424 --> 00:17:00.534
And it, it was just a lot of things here where.

00:17:01.500 --> 00:17:02.250
An adjustment.

00:17:02.250 --> 00:17:10.829
You know, when I lived in Oregon, I could come up with at least half a dozen, if not more resources to tell parents to connect them to resources.

00:17:11.069 --> 00:17:11.700
Here.

00:17:11.730 --> 00:17:16.529
I'm like, oh, well there's a wait list of at least 12 years for housing.

00:17:17.009 --> 00:17:18.900
Oh my 12 years.

00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:20.430
Holy shit.

00:17:21.569 --> 00:17:22.349
It's rough.

00:17:22.355 --> 00:17:30.029
And I think, you know, I mean, I don't mind disclosing now'cause we're moving, but we, I called my myself a, a capital hopper.

00:17:30.930 --> 00:17:34.680
I lived in the capital of Oregon and then we hopped over to the capital of Montana.

00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:39.819
And you know, I walked around and I see the need I, I see the need.

00:17:39.819 --> 00:17:48.069
And there's not enough people that have the resources to create these like longer lasting resources for families.

00:17:48.279 --> 00:17:48.430
Yeah.

00:17:50.170 --> 00:18:04.660
And going from Oregon where there are so many resources to Montana where there are so few resources, like talk about the, the opposite ends of the spectrum, like, holy hell,

00:18:05.650 --> 00:18:09.644
it made me sad, it made me sad, and I.

00:18:11.125 --> 00:18:13.224
There was like no public transportation.

00:18:13.464 --> 00:18:17.845
You there is public transit, but it's not as readily accessible.

00:18:18.265 --> 00:18:27.535
Um, and it just, it kind of hurt to see like the lack and it was just, everything in Montana was a huge adjustment.

00:18:27.924 --> 00:18:31.734
Um, the winters, you know, I loved.

00:18:32.515 --> 00:18:34.224
Owning all these beautiful coats.

00:18:34.224 --> 00:18:39.775
And my brain when we were packing was get rid of all the heavy stuff.

00:18:40.285 --> 00:18:41.065
And I did.

00:18:41.065 --> 00:18:41.125
Yeah.

00:18:41.664 --> 00:18:47.515
And then I forgot that there is no true fall in Montana.

00:18:48.055 --> 00:18:50.125
It frost pretty quickly.

00:18:51.224 --> 00:18:54.585
Um, I, I will not lie, and I will tell you.

00:18:55.049 --> 00:19:01.319
One of my favorite things about you being in Montana were all of your snow pictures.

00:19:02.460 --> 00:19:05.039
I go, oh my gosh, look, Evelyn got snow.

00:19:05.039 --> 00:19:06.869
And I would show the cats, they don't care.

00:19:06.924 --> 00:19:09.234
I am not built for snow.

00:19:09.414 --> 00:19:09.535
No.

00:19:09.595 --> 00:19:13.285
We, we are, we are built to go visit the snow and then come back

00:19:13.914 --> 00:19:14.875
and here.

00:19:14.875 --> 00:19:18.535
I remember telling my supervisor like, oh, is work canceled?

00:19:19.105 --> 00:19:20.035
She's like, no.

00:19:20.035 --> 00:19:21.085
Why would it be canceled?

00:19:21.085 --> 00:19:22.345
I'm like, because of the snow.

00:19:23.184 --> 00:19:25.255
And that was the first year it had snowed.

00:19:25.974 --> 00:19:28.944
My first year here, it snowed 10 inches on the first day.

00:19:29.125 --> 00:19:30.025
10 inches.

00:19:30.545 --> 00:19:30.605
Yeah.

00:19:31.194 --> 00:19:34.545
And we, we know about inches but oh my gosh, 10.

00:19:34.755 --> 00:19:35.384
Wow.

00:19:35.490 --> 00:19:41.309
And I was not prepared for any of it, and my partner's car was not prepared for the snow.

00:19:41.309 --> 00:19:43.619
So I got the princess treatment.

00:19:43.619 --> 00:19:47.575
He borrowed my car to take me to work so he could go to school.

00:19:48.359 --> 00:19:59.849
But it was intense and you know, the snow plows and the de ice machines or whatever, the gurus of the snow, um, they would be out around four in the morning.

00:19:59.910 --> 00:19:59.970
Wow.

00:20:01.589 --> 00:20:10.134
And we would go to the gym about the same time and we would not slide as much as I thought we would because they were on top of it.

00:20:11.099 --> 00:20:13.619
And then you've got Oregon and it's like, oh my God, there's a flake.

00:20:13.619 --> 00:20:14.220
We shut down.

00:20:14.849 --> 00:20:15.539
Shut down.

00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:15.839
Yep.

00:20:15.869 --> 00:20:17.099
Or it's not even a flake.

00:20:17.099 --> 00:20:18.990
It's like, oh, it might snow.

00:20:19.799 --> 00:20:21.359
Everyone's on snow routes.

00:20:21.390 --> 00:20:27.660
Like we are not built in the Pacific Northwest for snow.

00:20:28.315 --> 00:20:34.759
And as far as like road safety, I was supposed to take a defensive drivers in like an inclement weather.

00:20:35.390 --> 00:20:38.240
Course, and I just was so scared I didn't do it.

00:20:38.660 --> 00:20:44.990
Um, but they, they teach you, you know, how to, to stop safely, how to be aware of other drivers.

00:20:44.990 --> 00:20:53.119
And that was the one thing that I noticed is that during the snow, the drivers here were very aware of one another.

00:20:53.450 --> 00:20:55.670
Did we run red lights frequently?

00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:56.480
Yeah.

00:20:57.230 --> 00:20:59.390
Um, but people would anticipate.

00:20:59.990 --> 00:21:02.359
Those folks who could not stop in time.

00:21:02.750 --> 00:21:03.019
Right.

00:21:03.170 --> 00:21:06.140
And that's the safer option, is running the red light.

00:21:06.140 --> 00:21:08.150
Don't slam on the brakes and spin out.

00:21:08.150 --> 00:21:08.569
Like,

00:21:09.140 --> 00:21:18.019
and it happened to me once and I screeched like a pterodactyl in my car because I was like, I got this and the light turned red and I just screamed.

00:21:18.150 --> 00:21:26.609
I don't know if you've listened to that, just reminds me, I don't know if you've listened to any recent episode, but I think I'm gonna start a account for how many times the word pterodactyl gets used.

00:21:27.839 --> 00:21:28.529
Because,

00:21:28.920 --> 00:21:29.609
and needs needs a new account.

00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:33.680
It needs because, because like, I think Pterodactyl has come up in almost all of them.

00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:35.420
So I'm like, I'm gonna start counting.

00:21:35.450 --> 00:21:37.220
There's gonna be a pterodactyl count.

00:21:37.865 --> 00:21:42.875
And it's the most relatable sound and experience that one person can have.

00:21:43.085 --> 00:21:43.625
Yes.

00:21:43.625 --> 00:21:47.615
Because as soon as you said it, I'm like, I know exactly what that sounded like

00:21:47.674 --> 00:21:51.454
so getting used to the snow is one thing, but also like just the frigid weather.

00:21:51.904 --> 00:21:54.724
Um, like the negative de degree weather.

00:21:54.724 --> 00:21:59.224
I think the coldest, when we've lived here, I think it was negative 45.

00:21:59.825 --> 00:22:00.250
Oh my gosh.

00:22:00.680 --> 00:22:04.880
And it hurt to breathe'cause everything would just freeze over inside of me.

00:22:05.480 --> 00:22:08.000
Oh no, let's not do that.

00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:10.160
Come back, come back to Pacific Northwest.

00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:10.970
But you are.

00:22:10.970 --> 00:22:11.400
Is that what you

00:22:11.585 --> 00:22:11.825
I am.

00:22:11.869 --> 00:22:12.500
You are.

00:22:12.500 --> 00:22:22.130
So, so what, so moving before was, was your partner was going to school and you went with them.

00:22:22.430 --> 00:22:25.265
And now what's bringing you back?

00:22:25.315 --> 00:22:26.424
Yeah, very similar.

00:22:26.424 --> 00:22:27.505
Very, very similar.

00:22:27.505 --> 00:22:33.625
So, um, he has an opportunity to, he, you know, finished the nursing program.

00:22:33.625 --> 00:22:36.984
He passed the nclex, which I keep referring to as the necklace.

00:22:37.355 --> 00:22:42.964
I think that's the most relatable, like acronym shift I've ever heard.

00:22:42.964 --> 00:22:43.684
I like that.

00:22:43.684 --> 00:22:44.164
Tell him.

00:22:44.164 --> 00:22:48.904
I now will also refer to it as the necklace, uh, anytime it comes up.

00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:50.329
Perfect.

00:22:50.660 --> 00:22:54.500
So he has an opportunity to actually hone in on his skills that he learned.

00:22:54.559 --> 00:22:57.200
And so that's what we're gonna do.

00:22:57.529 --> 00:23:08.329
Um, we're not capital hopping this go around, but I'm trying to come up with a witty way of announcing my new state, like maybe something Pokemon theme.

00:23:08.329 --> 00:23:10.190
Like gotta catch'em all.

00:23:10.220 --> 00:23:11.269
Yes.

00:23:11.390 --> 00:23:12.049
Oh my gosh.

00:23:12.049 --> 00:23:12.650
I love that.

00:23:13.019 --> 00:23:13.890
New

00:23:14.019 --> 00:23:15.279
Id, I don't know.

00:23:16.569 --> 00:23:20.859
You're like, I'll just have a col, a growing collection of identification cards

00:23:21.279 --> 00:23:21.910
at this point.

00:23:21.910 --> 00:23:22.930
That's what it feels like.

00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:28.089
And, um, the DMV here will void your out state one.

00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:29.619
Oh, that's nice.

00:23:29.619 --> 00:23:32.380
So that you don't have to surrender it, you get to keep it, you just can't use.

00:23:33.130 --> 00:23:35.769
Exactly, and that's been really fun to look at.

00:23:35.769 --> 00:23:39.670
But, um, it's, it's been quite the learning curve.

00:23:39.670 --> 00:23:44.859
Not only, you know, finding a job, making friends, but finding queer friendly spaces.

00:23:44.859 --> 00:23:49.390
And so, um, that poll studio, um, Sabrina, she.

00:23:50.109 --> 00:23:57.549
Owned the Bumblebee Aerial Dance Studio and she collaborated with other folks in the community.

00:23:57.549 --> 00:24:04.880
And I went to, an art show called Tetanus two, um, by Abby Paranormal.

00:24:04.940 --> 00:24:17.210
Uh, she put this on with a lot of quirky vendors and they have like a very aliene, stoner, mushroom like type.

00:24:18.019 --> 00:24:18.470
Art.

00:24:18.559 --> 00:24:18.589
Okay.

00:24:18.650 --> 00:24:21.230
And they also put on a drag show.

00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:26.150
That is, is, is that where the pictures that you recently shared came from?

00:24:26.660 --> 00:24:27.650
Like some older ones?

00:24:27.650 --> 00:24:27.799
Yeah.

00:24:27.799 --> 00:24:43.970
And I'll probably share some even more, but I went in and it was in October and um, there was like pole performances and a couple drag performances, and I finally connected with someone like, how do I do that in this town?

00:24:44.390 --> 00:24:44.839
Yeah.

00:24:44.900 --> 00:24:51.769
And that's when I noticed that there was a shift in Oregon, there's a lot of drag queens in Montana.

00:24:51.769 --> 00:24:54.170
I saw more drag kings.

00:24:55.190 --> 00:24:55.220
Oh!

00:24:55.819 --> 00:25:01.880
And it was like one of those moments where I had to tell myself like, oh, Xavier's not gonna stand out here.

00:25:02.329 --> 00:25:03.019
Yeah.

00:25:03.170 --> 00:25:04.670
There's too many of us.

00:25:05.539 --> 00:25:11.450
So I connected with someone and immediately they're like, you can join.

00:25:12.005 --> 00:25:16.055
You know, the equivalent of the court system out here, and I said, no, thank you.

00:25:16.625 --> 00:25:21.575
I've done that once and I found myself burning out really quickly with a hobby I enjoyed.

00:25:21.575 --> 00:25:22.744
So I'm not doing that.

00:25:23.075 --> 00:25:32.884
Yeah, that's, I mean, that's, that's a big realization too, you know, because there's the recognition for the hobby that you enjoy, but also the burnout that comes with that.

00:25:33.799 --> 00:25:45.980
Exactly, and I, you know, I connected with the studio owner and she had a bizarre like idea for a New Year's show.

00:25:47.015 --> 00:25:47.234
Oh,

00:25:47.575 --> 00:25:49.115
and she, you know.

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:51.529
I don't have the liquor license.

00:25:51.529 --> 00:25:52.549
I dunno how I'm gonna do it.

00:25:52.549 --> 00:26:03.529
So she had like a very loose agreement with the bar across the street, like you give a percentage off drinks and we will provide security.

00:26:03.859 --> 00:26:15.005
And that was one of my favorite moments about performing here was this specific studio hired security to ensure that performers got to their vehicles safe.

00:26:15.904 --> 00:26:16.684
That's amazing.

00:26:18.019 --> 00:26:27.109
And that was the most exciting thing, just because I had a few queer friends share their version of horror stories of like being queer and open in Montana.

00:26:27.410 --> 00:26:27.529
Yeah.

00:26:27.529 --> 00:26:29.809
And their, their adverse experience.

00:26:29.809 --> 00:26:33.319
And so I said, I will perform so long as there's security.

00:26:33.650 --> 00:26:34.069
Yeah.

00:26:34.069 --> 00:26:36.500
And then they're like, yeah, security.

00:26:36.505 --> 00:26:36.984
I loved that.

00:26:37.924 --> 00:26:39.214
And they walked us to our car.

00:26:39.214 --> 00:26:43.355
And it was one of those comical things where I have a very feminine voice, you know?

00:26:43.474 --> 00:26:47.494
And I'm walking around and I'm like, oh, I can't find my packer.

00:26:48.065 --> 00:26:48.634
Just kidding.

00:26:48.634 --> 00:26:54.365
I found it and that was a very fun moment.

00:26:54.365 --> 00:27:01.835
And it turned into like a new, um, opportunity where after the New Year's, they're like.

00:27:02.914 --> 00:27:09.484
A venue downtown wants to do New Year's again, um, and they will cover the alcohol.

00:27:09.484 --> 00:27:10.654
And I was like, wow.

00:27:10.654 --> 00:27:23.255
A whole entire venue is going to allow for us to perform again and, you know, do this opportunity of performing once more in a different spot with a, you know, a bigger audience.

00:27:23.255 --> 00:27:30.424
And I had let the performer know, or the, the owner, I let Sabrina know that.

00:27:31.565 --> 00:27:36.845
Not only do I do drag as a masculine, but I also do feminine drag as well.

00:27:36.845 --> 00:27:47.704
And it turned into like a very learning opportunity for folks who didn't know, like you can be, you know, assigned female at birth and still do drag queen, um, feminine personalities.

00:27:47.704 --> 00:27:49.384
It's just a hyper feminine and.

00:27:51.259 --> 00:27:59.660
It gave me the space to really tap into that hyper femininity, uh, sensuality that I don't always do when I do masculine drag.

00:27:59.930 --> 00:28:00.440
Right.

00:28:00.440 --> 00:28:07.154
So for people who've listened to our previous episode where we talked about Xavier, oh, I love him.

00:28:07.154 --> 00:28:07.434
Mm-hmm.

00:28:07.894 --> 00:28:08.115
Um.

00:28:09.035 --> 00:28:14.224
I don't, I don't know if we really talked about your, your female drag persona.

00:28:14.224 --> 00:28:15.785
Do you wanna talk about her a little bit?

00:28:16.355 --> 00:28:17.194
Absolutely.

00:28:17.194 --> 00:28:29.345
So while I was, you know, doing Xavier as a title holder, um, there is a fundraiser event that has had different names through different, um, chapters, but it's called Turnabout.

00:28:29.404 --> 00:28:34.869
And Turnabout is the night that most folks, uh, perform in the opposite gender.

00:28:36.859 --> 00:28:42.259
And so that night I selected a drag queen that I adored.

00:28:42.259 --> 00:28:44.809
I asked my drag mother first, but she was at capacity.

00:28:44.809 --> 00:28:50.150
So I asked someone else who would paint me, um, and give me just a wig to borrow.

00:28:50.539 --> 00:28:53.359
And I had an outfit and it had to come with a name.

00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:56.809
So I'm, you know, trying to be funny and funny and what do I wanna do?

00:28:57.319 --> 00:28:59.029
And they came up with Clitoria.

00:28:59.420 --> 00:29:01.849
Uh, ctor is also a flower.

00:29:02.404 --> 00:29:05.765
Which presents very similar to the anatomy.

00:29:05.855 --> 00:29:06.845
Yes, it does.

00:29:09.365 --> 00:29:11.434
And that's how Ctor Cox was born.

00:29:11.765 --> 00:29:16.474
And so I performed, um, one number one night and it was super, super fun.

00:29:16.474 --> 00:29:20.765
My drag mother, my drag siblings were like, oh my God, you're so hot.

00:29:20.765 --> 00:29:21.484
And I go, thank you.

00:29:21.484 --> 00:29:22.265
It's still me.

00:29:22.805 --> 00:29:30.634
Um, but it kind of clicked one of those light bulbs where like, it's still me, but in a very hyper feminine way that I don't always.

00:29:31.490 --> 00:29:32.089
Do.

00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:32.900
Right.

00:29:33.230 --> 00:29:42.500
It's, it's, again, it's another way in which you don't like, typically present yourself, but it's there and you're just exploring that more.

00:29:43.339 --> 00:29:44.150
Absolutely.

00:29:44.150 --> 00:29:57.529
And so I got to do Ctor a ton in Montana and, and you know, I owe a huge thank you to the studio for, for creating a space for exploration and expression and, um.

00:29:58.220 --> 00:30:00.650
Unfortunately the studio had to close down.

00:30:00.650 --> 00:30:12.109
For now, we don't really know the status of what it will be, but in all of that, I befriended a group of of fems who, um, started a burlesque chapter.

00:30:12.650 --> 00:30:13.400
That's awesome.

00:30:13.930 --> 00:30:16.359
So Dorothy's dolls, find them on Instagram.

00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:26.980
Um, if you find yourself in Montana, you know, this is a great spot, but they, um, allowed for me to join them and, and their troop to perform, uh, burlesque.

00:30:26.980 --> 00:30:39.369
So not only am I doing female drag, but then I'm dipping into, um, burlesque and all of the, the folks in our group were so supportive where I said, I'm not comfortable taking off my clothes.

00:30:39.640 --> 00:30:39.970
Yeah.

00:30:40.055 --> 00:30:41.799
And, and like you, that's fine.

00:30:41.799 --> 00:30:42.670
You don't have to.

00:30:43.220 --> 00:30:44.390
And I was like, oh, perfect.

00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:59.240
And you know, it turned into opening the door to seeing other drag performers and other burlesque performers and other, you know, types of performance that I learned that similar to drag.

00:30:59.690 --> 00:31:05.690
Um, there's also different styles of burlesque, like nerd esque, you know, very cute style.

00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:06.674
That's amazing.

00:31:08.244 --> 00:31:13.795
And I only started to get curious about that because I really enjoy being, um, comedic relief.

00:31:13.795 --> 00:31:13.884
Yes.

00:31:14.335 --> 00:31:20.154
That there are some drug, uh, sorry, there's some burlesque performers that are comedic relief.

00:31:21.085 --> 00:31:21.835
That's awesome.

00:31:21.835 --> 00:31:30.025
I, because when I, when I think of burlesque, I think like a lot of people do, they, they have a very specific, um, image in their head.

00:31:30.025 --> 00:31:34.585
So to find out there are different genres and it's like, well, of course there are, there are different genres of everything.

00:31:34.585 --> 00:31:35.154
Y dork.

00:31:35.255 --> 00:31:36.214
But like.

00:31:37.085 --> 00:31:37.505
What a cool, cool,

00:31:37.505 --> 00:31:37.894
most part.

00:31:37.894 --> 00:31:39.005
Think of cabaret.

00:31:39.065 --> 00:31:39.545
Yeah.

00:31:39.605 --> 00:31:40.025
Yeah.

00:31:40.414 --> 00:31:51.035
And what a cool, what a cool way to let to discover different, different personas for burlesque too.

00:31:54.275 --> 00:32:00.214
And it's absolutely, it's just one of those things where I started, I think I did maybe three shows.

00:32:00.664 --> 00:32:04.295
Um, two shows I missed one for graduation for my partner.

00:32:04.654 --> 00:32:09.325
But in those two shows, I got to really tap into what I enjoy.

00:32:09.325 --> 00:32:14.815
And you know, I just shared on Instagram my most recent photo shoot, but I discovered which wig.

00:32:15.279 --> 00:32:21.099
I enjoy the most, and so it's a, a light, um, dusted rose wig.

00:32:21.099 --> 00:32:29.440
I, I've named Rosie, and so Rosie's my stable wig that I, I love to wear when performing.

00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:31.960
Those pictures were super duper cute.

00:32:32.724 --> 00:32:34.914
I was like, it's ctor.

00:32:34.944 --> 00:32:36.414
She looks gorgeous.

00:32:36.414 --> 00:32:38.214
And my first thought was, I love that wig.

00:32:38.515 --> 00:32:40.164
So, uh, that is delightful.

00:32:40.164 --> 00:32:46.345
Would you be willing to let me share a couple of your Clitoria pictures on?

00:32:46.345 --> 00:32:46.825
Absolutely.

00:32:46.825 --> 00:32:47.934
Okay, awesome.

00:32:47.934 --> 00:32:51.714
I absolutely, I'm writing that down so that I remember later.

00:32:52.494 --> 00:32:56.365
Uh, to, to ask for them and follow up and then actually post them.

00:32:56.394 --> 00:33:00.204
That's the hard part, is the following through of the thing.

00:33:00.775 --> 00:33:01.224
Um.

00:33:01.644 --> 00:33:02.785
Shout out to Mary.

00:33:02.785 --> 00:33:06.714
I mean, I'm gonna, um, Mary Photography, she's the one that did the shoot.

00:33:07.105 --> 00:33:09.984
Um, funny enough, it was a 30 minute shoot.

00:33:10.345 --> 00:33:11.154
I love that.

00:33:12.204 --> 00:33:22.855
Um, so we can, we'll post the, the links for Dorothy's dolls and Mary Mary's photography, and then pictures of Ctor.

00:33:22.884 --> 00:33:24.595
So we will share all the things.

00:33:24.984 --> 00:33:25.734
We gotta spread.

00:33:25.734 --> 00:33:28.045
All the love, all the love.

00:33:28.194 --> 00:33:29.484
Um, what.

00:33:31.075 --> 00:33:33.414
What are you excited for with this new move?

00:33:33.414 --> 00:33:39.835
Have you, have you guys gone out to the new town or are you just gonna like raw dog?

00:33:39.835 --> 00:33:40.944
It, as one might say,

00:33:41.454 --> 00:33:44.005
we are most definitely raw dogging it.

00:33:44.634 --> 00:33:47.575
That's exciting and terrifying.

00:33:48.025 --> 00:33:48.684
Absolutely.

00:33:48.775 --> 00:33:56.065
I have packed a total of three boxes, so it's, it's becoming a reality right now, but.

00:33:56.845 --> 00:34:02.515
I, I do owe a huge thank you to my partner for just always creating a space for me to explore.

00:34:02.515 --> 00:34:07.285
I think that's what folks in, you know, committed relationships do.

00:34:07.285 --> 00:34:15.144
It's exploring and growing through the discomfort and the awkward and the clumsy, and really celebrating each other's wins.

00:34:15.235 --> 00:34:17.724
Um, even if it's not something that we did ourselves.

00:34:17.724 --> 00:34:19.315
It's really celebrating our partner.

00:34:20.409 --> 00:34:26.019
I got to see him, you know, go through this 15 month rigorous program.

00:34:26.530 --> 00:34:27.699
Sleepless nights.

00:34:27.699 --> 00:34:38.199
I slept soundly because I am a sleepy, sleepy gal, um, to now as packing up and moving out of state, and he's the logistics guy.

00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:38.619
So.

00:34:38.679 --> 00:34:42.369
He knows how we're gonna pack everything and the drive over.

00:34:42.460 --> 00:34:45.010
I am just the, uh, ooh, I found food.

00:34:45.010 --> 00:34:46.599
Like we can stop and eat here.

00:34:47.300 --> 00:34:48.554
Which I think is, is balance.

00:34:48.704 --> 00:34:58.994
That's and, and don't use, just that is a very important role because for myself, when I start to get hangry, other people, um, get sad.

00:34:58.994 --> 00:35:02.474
So the food aspect, very important.

00:35:03.164 --> 00:35:05.385
That's all we've been looking at me.

00:35:05.534 --> 00:35:13.755
Um, I've been looking at the most, but, uh, collectively we've been looking at folks in places and spots that, um.

00:35:14.190 --> 00:35:19.590
You know, I remember that he did all this work for me in making sure that I had queer friendly spaces.

00:35:19.590 --> 00:35:32.369
So I took a little bit of initiative and I found some queer friendly spaces that I wanna be in too, that I want to continue going back into pole and doing all those fun apparatuses.

00:35:32.369 --> 00:35:37.889
But I also found a, um, Mexican folkloric dance studio.

00:35:38.199 --> 00:35:40.480
And that's something I've been wanting to do for.

00:35:40.989 --> 00:35:41.800
A long time.

00:35:41.800 --> 00:35:46.389
I did it for six years growing up and I've missed it.

00:35:46.389 --> 00:35:55.239
And every time I hear the traditional songs being played at Cinco de Mayo, I, I miss it and I wanna do it, and I found an opportunity, so I'm gonna do it.

00:35:56.019 --> 00:35:57.429
That's so cool.

00:35:58.539 --> 00:35:59.139
That's so cool.

00:35:59.139 --> 00:36:08.769
Do you feel like, do you feel like it will be, I don't know if easier is the right word, but do you feel like the experience of being.

00:36:09.715 --> 00:36:19.405
A queer brown person will have a different vibe coming back to Pacific Northwest after being in Montana for 15 months.

00:36:20.184 --> 00:36:32.394
I think it'll be like a, a new discomfort of going and having to find all these spaces to going to an area like the Pacific Northwest, where it's very out in your face.

00:36:33.849 --> 00:36:42.909
And it, you know, you'll find the rainbow stick it like you'll find, you know, LGBQ friendly, more accessible than you would in, you know, Montana.

00:36:43.510 --> 00:36:47.920
Um, so I am, I'm curious to see what my experience is there.

00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:49.644
I know that.

00:36:50.905 --> 00:37:05.094
The discomfort that comes with not having your people nearby was a huge growing opportunity for me, and now I'm going back to where if I calculate correctly, you know, I'm about four hours from my best friend.

00:37:05.094 --> 00:37:08.605
I'm, you know, three and a half hours from my parents.

00:37:08.875 --> 00:37:14.090
I am now have access to my family and I want to make sure that I don't fall back too.

00:37:15.429 --> 00:37:26.260
Old habits of relying on these people and really just trusting myself and my expansion and you know, really being able to say, you guys have taught me that I can do it.

00:37:26.260 --> 00:37:28.360
So here I am showing you that I can.

00:37:28.780 --> 00:37:35.815
Do you think that relying like learning to rely on yourself and your decisions, do you feel like that.

00:37:37.074 --> 00:37:42.264
Is something that really came out for you moving to Montana?

00:37:42.264 --> 00:37:45.784
Like moving, you're not even touching the same states.

00:37:46.144 --> 00:37:47.105
Like I thought about that once.

00:37:47.105 --> 00:37:52.505
I'm like, Evelyn not, it's not a very large stretch, but it's, there's enough, you know?

00:37:52.894 --> 00:38:02.074
Um, but like your, your comfort in relying on your own judgment, do you think that was something that came out of this for you?

00:38:03.650 --> 00:38:06.079
110%.

00:38:06.230 --> 00:38:06.619
Yep.

00:38:07.130 --> 00:38:14.539
Um, you know, my parents, you know, if we have to go back to culture and stuff, I have broken a lot of traditions.

00:38:14.690 --> 00:38:14.900
Yeah.

00:38:14.900 --> 00:38:18.440
A lot of major no-nos in my culture.

00:38:18.469 --> 00:38:24.500
I am not married, I don't have children, you know, I'm over the age of 30.

00:38:25.190 --> 00:38:29.090
Um, and I used to rely very much on my parents' approval.

00:38:29.570 --> 00:38:35.030
And by moving out here, I have noticed that, and it's not to shame my family.

00:38:35.030 --> 00:38:43.039
I love them all very much, but you know, people will meet you where they're at personally.

00:38:43.099 --> 00:38:43.369
Yep.

00:38:43.429 --> 00:38:51.289
So I know that my family is not a hundred percent ready to meet me where I'm at because they're not there yet.

00:38:51.289 --> 00:38:51.320
I.

00:38:52.489 --> 00:38:55.849
Had only one close friend come and visit me.

00:38:55.849 --> 00:38:58.099
My best friend, she flew out to Montana.

00:38:58.099 --> 00:38:59.420
She spent a week with me.

00:38:59.929 --> 00:39:02.840
I've lived here, you know, two, two years.

00:39:03.500 --> 00:39:06.619
And, um, my family never once visited me.

00:39:07.190 --> 00:39:07.429
Yeah.

00:39:08.255 --> 00:39:09.184
And did, did it hurt?

00:39:09.184 --> 00:39:09.664
Yes.

00:39:09.724 --> 00:39:15.125
You know, um, brown people do exist in all space of, of the United States.

00:39:15.485 --> 00:39:18.094
Um, but the cold is not always our preferred spot.

00:39:18.664 --> 00:39:19.144
Y Yes.

00:39:20.105 --> 00:39:26.914
So even down to like the Mexican restaurants here, like you'd, it doesn't taste the same as it did in the Pacific Northwest.

00:39:26.914 --> 00:39:28.989
And so in all of it, like.

00:39:29.900 --> 00:39:34.070
I understand that my family loves and cares about me, but they weren't willing to come out here.

00:39:34.070 --> 00:39:35.960
And that is something that I've learned to accept.

00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:45.739
And a lot of the decisions that I've made out here I did for myself because if I didn't feel excited about it, then it would be a no.

00:39:45.739 --> 00:39:46.940
And that's something that.

00:39:47.735 --> 00:39:58.715
I feel like a lot of, um, Latinx folks like me are learning that it's okay to make these decisions and we only feel guilty because the people before us never make them.

00:39:59.164 --> 00:40:00.304
Oh, dude.

00:40:00.304 --> 00:40:04.114
Talk about hitting it hard on the head like that.

00:40:04.144 --> 00:40:12.695
That has been some of my own journey the last couple of years is like, oh, oh, yep.

00:40:12.875 --> 00:40:13.295
Yeah.

00:40:14.059 --> 00:40:15.380
Yeah, we can make the choices.

00:40:15.380 --> 00:40:19.849
We, we do know what's best for ourselves and it's okay to trust that.

00:40:20.510 --> 00:40:20.989
Yeah.

00:40:20.989 --> 00:40:28.969
And it's been really hard and I, and I always, like, I tell my siblings, like, I don't feel shame of where I grew up and what we've been through.

00:40:28.969 --> 00:40:39.500
But, you know, um, there is a professor, one of my favorite professors at Western who said, you know, your twenties are your decade of mistakes in your thirties.

00:40:40.835 --> 00:40:43.324
I finished that statement with the unlearning.

00:40:44.014 --> 00:40:46.360
Yes, yes.

00:40:46.534 --> 00:41:00.364
And so the unlearning of my thirties have taught me that, you know, the parents before me and the generations before me only taught us what they knew and most of their learnings were before their twenties.

00:41:01.054 --> 00:41:08.704
I reflect back and I look, you know, at my age, 33, going on 34, my parents had five kids.

00:41:09.750 --> 00:41:14.219
And we're struggling to, you know, how do I give my kids everything they want?

00:41:15.059 --> 00:41:17.400
Um, based on the things that I didn't have.

00:41:17.429 --> 00:41:27.014
And growing up, I didn't know, I didn't, my parents never made it a clear, clear image that we were struggling.

00:41:27.014 --> 00:41:29.849
It was very much like everything was an adventure.

00:41:29.849 --> 00:41:33.449
And so I take that with me and everything I do was an adventure.

00:41:33.449 --> 00:41:37.829
But then I remember like, oh, but I didn't have this growing up.

00:41:37.934 --> 00:41:50.534
I didn't have this, you know, it's from like I went to Knots Berry Farm, I went to Disneyland as a kid, and back then I could only imagine how expensive it was with five Littles.

00:41:50.625 --> 00:41:51.105
Yeah.

00:41:51.434 --> 00:41:52.005
Oh my gosh.

00:41:52.005 --> 00:41:52.304
Yeah.

00:41:52.815 --> 00:41:57.105
And I went as an adult at like maybe 27.

00:41:58.139 --> 00:42:05.639
And I was like, scrounging up pennies and making sure that I picked the lint off of them so I could get here.

00:42:05.639 --> 00:42:07.590
And it was a great experience.

00:42:07.590 --> 00:42:21.780
And then I'm watching, you know, my, my similar aged cousins also doing cool things where not only are they going to Disneyland, but you know, in 2023 I went to to Europe.

00:42:21.780 --> 00:42:22.369
Yes, you did.

00:42:23.699 --> 00:42:24.315
That was so cool.

00:42:24.375 --> 00:42:25.710
My family never did that.

00:42:25.710 --> 00:42:31.980
And I'm seeing, you know, I have a cousin who's currently in Japan and I'm sitting here going, we've done it.

00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:36.000
We have done the big adventures that our family were too scared to do.

00:42:36.190 --> 00:42:40.119
And we're doing like a multi-generational healing because of it.

00:42:40.119 --> 00:42:44.590
So even if there is struggle, we're really living Yolo.

00:42:46.000 --> 00:42:46.360
Yeah.

00:42:46.360 --> 00:42:47.349
With some caution.

00:42:47.349 --> 00:42:52.090
But we're really doing a lot of the big stuff and this move feels like it.

00:42:52.090 --> 00:42:52.355
I, I.

00:42:52.735 --> 00:42:57.054
I never knew what it was like to move out of my comfort zone.

00:42:57.054 --> 00:43:10.914
And I did that little by little from growing up in a small agricultural community to going to college on the opposite side of the state, to then settling at the capital for, you know, 10 years and then moving outta state.

00:43:10.914 --> 00:43:14.605
And now here I am two years later, moving back to another state.

00:43:16.659 --> 00:43:17.650
Is it uncomfortable?

00:43:17.800 --> 00:43:18.670
Would I do it again?

00:43:18.670 --> 00:43:19.510
Probably.

00:43:19.510 --> 00:43:21.670
I mean, as long as I have the partner that I do,

00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:23.260
I mean, you are doing it again.

00:43:23.349 --> 00:43:34.599
You are in fact doing it again and doing it successfully, and you're doing it with you and your partner are supporting one another in these big life changes.

00:43:36.579 --> 00:43:42.579
And he is a very patient man, because our first move, I dragged my feet.

00:43:42.579 --> 00:43:51.039
I was scared and I told him like, if I drag my feet, please encourage me to pick him up because I don't mean to be scared.

00:43:52.389 --> 00:43:55.059
I just wanna make sure that I have someone on the other side with me.

00:43:55.059 --> 00:43:57.789
He was like, yeah,'cause I'm not doing that shit again.

00:43:57.789 --> 00:43:58.389
Like, okay.

00:43:59.500 --> 00:44:00.699
It's the motivation.

00:44:01.525 --> 00:44:05.784
Well, and, and you know, you guys have gone through one big transition.

00:44:05.815 --> 00:44:14.574
I mean, you've gone through a lot of transitions together over the years, but like this big move was so many different transitions all at once, and you made it through that.

00:44:14.574 --> 00:44:18.175
And now it's like you, you had growing pains with that one.

00:44:18.175 --> 00:44:21.054
You'll have growing pains with this one, but you know more.

00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:26.039
Going into this move about what you need to be successful through it too.

00:44:26.610 --> 00:44:30.659
And he's taught me a lot of very valuable things throughout this entire journey.

00:44:30.659 --> 00:44:36.570
Was that, um, you know, less is more, the less people know, the more that we can enjoy it.

00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:38.519
Um, and I've.

00:44:39.985 --> 00:44:44.815
I've taken a step back from like publicly posting every single day.

00:44:45.054 --> 00:44:45.144
Mm-hmm.

00:44:45.505 --> 00:44:51.204
My life updates to, sure, I'll post something here, I'll post something there.

00:44:51.625 --> 00:45:03.894
But more often than not, the people that need to know are in the know and it's, it's saying that with confidence, and even then I didn't say it very confidently because of struggle.

00:45:04.195 --> 00:45:04.375
You know,

00:45:04.375 --> 00:45:05.155
it's a struggle.

00:45:05.155 --> 00:45:05.545
Yeah.

00:45:06.429 --> 00:45:07.780
Folks wanna know what I'm doing.

00:45:07.780 --> 00:45:10.179
And it's like, well, are you here packing?

00:45:10.389 --> 00:45:10.840
No.

00:45:10.900 --> 00:45:12.099
Then you don't get to know.

00:45:12.429 --> 00:45:15.789
My family doesn't know yet exactly where I'm moving.

00:45:16.030 --> 00:45:19.210
I don't think, if I remember correctly, they don't know I'm moving.

00:45:19.780 --> 00:45:20.079
Yeah.

00:45:20.860 --> 00:45:32.889
And that's again, no shame on them, but I'm learning that this has been a very enjoyable chapter of just being present with my partner and doing things that feel right for us.

00:45:33.324 --> 00:45:43.824
And it's, that's one of the hard things, you know, for you and I have, we, we've talked a lot about some of the similarities growing up with, Hispanic parents.

00:45:43.855 --> 00:45:44.275
I mean mm-hmm.

00:45:44.635 --> 00:45:48.474
I've got my dad who is brown, and my mom, who's the color paper, you know?

00:45:48.505 --> 00:45:57.025
So very, it's a different experience than yours in that way, but like the expectation on the children.

00:45:57.429 --> 00:46:07.360
Of immigrant parents is so high, and it's also that expectation that they, the, your family needs to know what you're doing all the time.

00:46:07.900 --> 00:46:14.380
And we're, we're changing those expectations because those are not our expectations for ourselves or other people.

00:46:15.579 --> 00:46:16.059
Yeah.

00:46:16.300 --> 00:46:22.239
And I think this generation that we're in right now, like we're very much like understanding that it's not personal.

00:46:22.840 --> 00:46:23.019
Yeah.

00:46:23.019 --> 00:46:23.920
It's really not.

00:46:24.400 --> 00:46:27.579
And I find myself reciting that.

00:46:27.610 --> 00:46:30.369
I'll slip back into like, no one's checked in on me.

00:46:30.369 --> 00:46:31.090
I'm so mad.

00:46:31.119 --> 00:46:31.510
Nope.

00:46:32.380 --> 00:46:33.130
It's fine.

00:46:33.550 --> 00:46:38.380
Everyone has their own threshold and capacity to, to be present for other people.

00:46:38.380 --> 00:46:41.860
I should not shame someone else if I don't want them to do that to me.

00:46:42.099 --> 00:46:46.090
Yeah, and I mean, getting to that point, that's, that's a hard place to get to.

00:46:46.090 --> 00:46:50.650
I catch myself doing it sometimes too, and I'm like, have you checked in with with them lately?

00:46:50.650 --> 00:46:51.489
It's like, no.

00:46:51.519 --> 00:46:52.809
Okay, well take a breath.

00:46:52.860 --> 00:46:59.730
Maybe go get a snack, take a nap, pet a cat, you know, squish some yarn, do something, but it's fine.

00:47:00.030 --> 00:47:00.449
Move on.

00:47:04.230 --> 00:47:04.889
It really is.

00:47:04.889 --> 00:47:05.849
It really is like that.

00:47:05.849 --> 00:47:10.139
And I, I think it's, thank goodness for therapy, for giving me these tools.

00:47:10.170 --> 00:47:10.800
Oh my God.

00:47:10.800 --> 00:47:11.369
I know, right?

00:47:11.550 --> 00:47:12.239
Gosh darn it.

00:47:13.199 --> 00:47:15.809
I, I tell my therapist regularly.

00:47:15.869 --> 00:47:16.619
I'm like, Hey.

00:47:17.144 --> 00:47:19.574
Thanks for, you know that.

00:47:19.574 --> 00:47:21.164
She's like, you're, you did.

00:47:21.164 --> 00:47:23.445
I'm like, no, this, we're, we're thanking you right now.

00:47:23.925 --> 00:47:24.195
Yep.

00:47:24.255 --> 00:47:26.744
You gave me the tool so you, you found the tool.

00:47:26.744 --> 00:47:29.835
You threw it at me until I put it in the toolbox.

00:47:29.835 --> 00:47:30.315
Thank you.

00:47:31.755 --> 00:47:39.284
Yeah, my therapist told me recently, she's like, you know, your podcast is like one of your tools, and I'm like, we do not need to get aggressive today.

00:47:39.315 --> 00:47:39.824
Okay.

00:47:39.855 --> 00:47:41.565
That's not necessary.

00:47:41.894 --> 00:47:44.565
Clearly you chose violin and I'm not about it.

00:47:45.224 --> 00:47:45.554
Right.

00:47:45.554 --> 00:47:47.144
I'm like, why do you say that?

00:47:47.204 --> 00:47:49.034
She's like, well, I listened to the episode.

00:47:49.034 --> 00:47:51.764
I'm like, oh, alright.

00:47:51.855 --> 00:47:52.364
Well.

00:47:53.219 --> 00:47:56.880
That's rude, using my own actual words against me.

00:47:56.909 --> 00:47:58.079
Cool, cool, cool.

00:47:59.820 --> 00:48:03.269
But you know, you've made it big when your therapist listens to your podcast.

00:48:03.269 --> 00:48:04.170
Apparently so.

00:48:04.260 --> 00:48:13.829
Apparently so, um, what's, what's the thing that you're the most excited about for the move to Washington?

00:48:15.969 --> 00:48:16.210
food

00:48:16.260 --> 00:48:18.510
I was gonna say, please let it be food.

00:48:18.510 --> 00:48:19.650
Please let it be food.

00:48:20.219 --> 00:48:21.000
Knowing us.

00:48:21.005 --> 00:48:21.644
I do diversity

00:48:23.639 --> 00:48:26.820
the food diversity is what I'm looking forward to the most.

00:48:26.849 --> 00:48:32.909
Um, Montana has a lot of mom and pop shops, which I think is wonderful.

00:48:33.420 --> 00:48:42.960
Um, and I think there's very slight variations, but I don't think I can have another burger and another huckleberry, whatever.

00:48:43.530 --> 00:48:43.980
Um.

00:48:45.014 --> 00:48:45.525
In a while.

00:48:45.525 --> 00:48:48.945
Like, I, I think I can stand missing that for a bit.

00:48:49.605 --> 00:48:50.925
Yeah, that makes sense.

00:48:51.525 --> 00:48:56.684
Because I mean, let's see, I'm trying to, I'm still trying to think of like creative ways to announce my move.

00:48:57.074 --> 00:49:02.445
You know, in, in Oregon they have the Marion Berry in Montana, they have the huckleberry.

00:49:03.405 --> 00:49:05.219
I don't know what, uh, apples.

00:49:06.105 --> 00:49:06.405
Yeah.

00:49:06.405 --> 00:49:08.655
In Washington, Washington, they're big on apples.

00:49:08.954 --> 00:49:10.244
Very big on the apples,

00:49:10.425 --> 00:49:14.925
and it's a good thing that my partner loves apples and I like specifically Granny Smith apples.

00:49:14.925 --> 00:49:19.125
But you know, the, the diversity of food is really what it's coming down to.

00:49:19.125 --> 00:49:24.764
I, I was the biggest glutton for food when I had a chance to leave.

00:49:25.545 --> 00:49:29.775
Um, you know, one city the next, I was like, oh my gosh, Indian food.

00:49:29.835 --> 00:49:31.304
Oh my gosh, Thai food.

00:49:31.934 --> 00:49:32.985
Um, and then I'd come back.

00:49:32.985 --> 00:49:35.715
I'm like, oh, burgers again.

00:49:36.804 --> 00:49:37.735
Olive Garden.

00:49:37.735 --> 00:49:38.094
Different.

00:49:38.094 --> 00:49:38.724
Olive Garden,

00:49:38.844 --> 00:49:39.175
right?

00:49:39.534 --> 00:49:43.224
Um, I did look up the state fruit of, of Washington.

00:49:43.224 --> 00:49:45.534
It is in fact the apple.

00:49:47.619 --> 00:49:52.045
I'm, so, you can, you can carve something into an apple instead of a pumpkin.

00:49:52.045 --> 00:49:53.034
You can carve an apple.

00:49:53.619 --> 00:49:54.190
You know what?

00:49:54.190 --> 00:49:54.730
I like that

00:49:54.780 --> 00:50:02.280
I mean, I dunno if it's a good idea, but you know, it's, it's a weird idea and that's usually what I'm, what I'm here for.

00:50:02.309 --> 00:50:03.389
So, you know,

00:50:03.539 --> 00:50:11.489
I mean, if, if we had to give some, some semblance of a geographical location of Washington, um, I will be close to.

00:50:12.090 --> 00:50:15.809
The gym in town that everyone likes to Oh, visit.

00:50:16.199 --> 00:50:17.610
That's exciting.

00:50:18.360 --> 00:50:20.400
But I'm not even excited for Christmas.

00:50:20.460 --> 00:50:24.119
I'm very much excited for, um, the Los MUTOs.

00:50:24.150 --> 00:50:24.360
Yes.

00:50:24.389 --> 00:50:31.530
Because they have a giant like altar and like Catrina, Catrin, um, competition.

00:50:31.619 --> 00:50:32.400
That's cool.

00:50:32.400 --> 00:50:33.570
I did not know that.

00:50:33.949 --> 00:50:34.760
Neither did I.

00:50:34.760 --> 00:50:35.960
I was just, I love it.

00:50:35.960 --> 00:50:36.860
Snooping around.

00:50:36.920 --> 00:50:43.789
So I think that'll be one of my many first challenges and adventures is to go out there and do that.

00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:45.380
Very cool.

00:50:45.469 --> 00:50:46.400
Very cool.

00:50:46.400 --> 00:50:52.130
Well, Evelyn, thank you so much for coming on the pot again and talking with me.

00:50:52.610 --> 00:50:53.179
Absolutely.

00:50:53.570 --> 00:50:54.590
Such a pleasure.

00:50:54.590 --> 00:50:58.369
I wish I could have been there in person to have all the cats all over me, but

00:50:59.210 --> 00:51:00.679
you know, the cats are.

00:51:01.184 --> 00:51:06.014
Cadding, uh, I've only seen one of them this entire time.

00:51:07.545 --> 00:51:11.775
The other two, I'm pretty sure are sleeping on cleanly folded laundry on my bed

00:51:12.164 --> 00:51:12.914
as they should.

00:51:12.974 --> 00:51:16.875
And the ginger one is in the window'cause that's just where she lives right now.

00:51:16.965 --> 00:51:18.135
So, as they should.

00:51:19.784 --> 00:51:20.894
Well, yes, thank you.

00:51:20.894 --> 00:51:22.635
And we will, we will have you on again.

00:51:22.664 --> 00:51:27.815
Uh, we, me and the cats and the voices in my head, um, but we'll do it sooner than two years.

00:51:27.820 --> 00:51:29.230
Because that's a really long time.

00:51:30.019 --> 00:51:30.590
Absolutely.

00:51:31.030 --> 00:51:36.590
But if you're, if you're okay with, um, with me sharing some pictures of Ctor that would be awesome.

00:51:36.590 --> 00:51:44.630
And I'll put the, the links to, to all the fun things we talked about today in the show notes so people can go and follow along and find them.

00:51:45.349 --> 00:51:45.920
Absolutely.

00:51:45.920 --> 00:51:46.489
I appreciate it

00:51:46.539 --> 00:51:47.260
Yay.

00:51:47.260 --> 00:51:49.719
Well, thank you Evelyn so much.

00:51:50.170 --> 00:51:51.550
Thank you for having me, Kat.

00:51:51.710 --> 00:51:53.630
So with that, the Kaz and I are gonna go.

00:51:54.380 --> 00:51:58.219
If you're still here, please go like and subscribe wherever you're listening.

00:51:58.250 --> 00:52:00.150
And don't forget to share this episode with your friend.

00:52:00.980 --> 00:52:03.170
Make sure you're following us on your socials.

00:52:03.199 --> 00:52:06.199
We are on Instagram and Facebook at, sorry.

00:52:06.199 --> 00:52:07.550
That's my inside voice.

00:52:07.820 --> 00:52:11.389
And if you haven't already, you can sign up for our mailing list on our website.

00:52:11.389 --> 00:52:11.690
Sorry.

00:52:11.690 --> 00:52:13.369
That's my inside voice.com.

00:52:13.789 --> 00:52:15.139
Thank you so much for listening.

00:52:15.260 --> 00:52:16.190
We'll see you next time.

00:52:16.550 --> 00:52:16.730
Bye.
Evelyn/Xavier Profile Photo

Evelyn/Xavier

Drag King!

Started drag in 2011, participated in drag shows, choreographed, and narrated all at alma mater! Won pageant title as Mr Salem Gay Pride and part of the Imperial Sovereign Court of the Willamette Empire